Category — not about Christian Bale

Erica, Superfan the –

Cookie, Face of the –

Oh, Erica – so, so pretty. To be 25 again. Sigh. Instead of er, 28 or whatever.

NO MATTER.

Anyway, yesterday was super exciting what with the Mercury Cover story and my newfound fame and my inability to buy pretty shiny things at Forever 21 without being hounded by the Paparrazzi, etc….but tonight we are going to First Friday at Nemo for a rock show poster art show thing show and Erica is coming too! This is your chance boys, to meet the young lady in person before submitting your applications to be her birthday dinner date. Don’t fuck this up, men.

I encourage any and all Portland readers to stop by and say hello. The party starts at 7ish (1875 SE Belmont) and it’s FREE. Please bring us brownies. We has a craving.

This Friday I am going to be doing a phone interview with a famous person. The thought of this gives me the tremors.

I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my very real phobia of talking on the phone. The phone freaks me out. And cell phones are even worse because they can cut out and there’s always some kind of weird time lag and you can’t cradle them comfortingly to your face and neck region the way you can with a regular phone and I never know if I’m really talking close enough to the speaking box part thing – the mouthpiece, I mean.

I knew this would happen eventually – I signed up for it when I started writing film reviews and please don’t get me wrong – I AM VERY EXCITED ABOUT MY FAMOUS PERSON INTERVIEW. In fact, it is killing me not to tell you who it is – and I don’t even know that I can’t tell you, but it just seems like common sense not to talk about it until it’s printed. I GUESS. I just think that Christian Bale would be sad and hurt if he read about it on the internet before I had the chance to explain to him about my blog.

NO. I’m kidding. It is not Christian Bale because if it were Christian Bale you would not be reading this or any future blog posts from me as I would be too busy packing my things and preparing my divorce papers and practicing my new Mrs. Kiala Bale signature over and over again…with a Newsies Swing Kids Treasure Island Reign of Fire pen.

Anyway, that is what I’ll be doing on Friday. On Thursday however, you will most likely find me with my head either in the oven or dangling over a toilet bowl. In fact, that is going to be the title of my article about the interview,

“Dangling Over The Toilet Bowl With Christian Bale”.

I SWEAR it’s not Christian Bale.