Category — liveblogging is for chumps.

4:40 pm - Every single person here is a total asshole.

An all guy swimsuit fashion show!!!!!

Tyler from men.style.gay.com or something is here…

I’m learning “The Rules to Swim By”.

1. Dress your age
(according to Tyler, 30 is old - Kathie Lee’s Botox just stopped a frown in it’s tracks)

The first model, who’s name is Brian is wearing board shorts from JCrew (for years 30 and younger, I guess???)

Another Brian model has arrived. He has good abs supposedly. I don’t see abs, only color.

Model Andre just came out in some Old Navy checkerboard MAGIC EYE shorts. Hoda is attempting to find the shipwrecked vessel in the pattern. Near the crotch.

Michael Brown (model) came out. He is a man of color. Kathie Lee loudly told him he “has a nice smile!”

She’s clearly terrified of him.

Next up! Weekend getawayzzzzzzzz…snort..wha?..zzzzz

Wow! This is exciting! I just finished breakfast about an hour ago and yet the snacking urge has come upon me in a major way.

Why fight it? I’ve got a diet coke, three Ak Mak crackers and a bunch of hummus in front of me. WHEE!!!

I have PMS.

Crackers: Eat’em right off the table, why not?

Oh, anyway, The Today Show is exciting too! First up Kathie Lee and Hoda with The Scoop!

What they do is they take stories ripped from the headlines (of The Post) and give their opinions on them.

Except Kathie Lee and Hoda are too frightened for their jobs that they have no opinion. Or maybe that’s just how they are all the time, I don’t know.

Ok, it’s starting.

Huh. Kathie Lee and Hoda went to The Theatahh last night. They saw 39 steps which I guess is an homage to Alfred Hitchcock. I don’t even need to see it because Hoda is re-enacting the entire thing for me. BRILLIANT.

Oh, and apparently Hoda had to leave during the last ten minutes because the dinner she had at The Palms beforehand gave her, um, well, the shits.

(puts hummus away)

More in a bit!

Ohhhhh yeaaaaahhhh.

Get ready kids because it is gonna be off the chips! Er, no…off the…hang on.

(shuffles papers, drinks prune juice, consults internet encyclopedia)

Off the chain! WOOT!

Anyway, in about 45 minutes, I’ll be liveblogging that very special hour of The Today Show - you know the one where Matt Lauer and Ann Curry are suspiciously absent and Kathie Lee makes Hoda very uncomfortable with her Christiany freakishness and every single goddamn segment is sponsored by The American Diet Council For Fat Women I Mean You Fat Woman Right There On The Couch You Are Fat Council.

So get ready for some serious journalistic chops, people. The liveblogging starts in just under 35 minutes!