Category — I am going to regret this.

So, I’m fairly certain I have an abscessed tooth.

That’s sexy, right?

Anyway, I had a root canal about oh, seven years ago and then couldn’t afford a crown and now all hell has broken loose in my mouth.

It’s either that or I overdid it on the hot sauce yesterday in my pita sandwich. In any case, I’m going to the dentist this morning. I’m positive it won’t cost us more than five or six million dollars.

In other news, we’re still living surrounded by piles and piles of boxes and this does not activate my latent OCD AT ALL. I’m fine with it (grinds teeth) just FINE. And Dane’s fine with it, too. He’s fine because instead of looking around for his, I don’t know, The Punisher place holders or whatever like a normal person, he just asks me where are his The Punisher place holders . And then the laser beams shoot out of my eyes and my head explodes.

Back to the tooth situation - I’m a little scared to go to the dentist because they always reprimand me for not flossing even though I do floss and they break out those little slides of bacteria and show me what not flossing even though I do floss is doing to my gums and the woman showing me the slides has perfect white teeth and I know she is judging me. Harshly.

I’m guessing they are going to schedule an emergency root canal/tooth extraction (zomg! Fake tooth!At least it’s way in the back) and I’ll be all puffy and medicated and unable to drink alcohol for a few days. Booooo.

I would liveblog my dentist trip but that would be gross.

Wish me luck.

I slammed my finger in our front door last night.

Finger: Hurt all night long.

After watching the latest episode of 30 Days this weekend about farm animal abuse, Dane and I are all ready to climb up on our high horse (after we whisper gently into his horsey ear, “Do you mind if I climb up on you?”) and ride it around like only a vegan knows how to do. What I am saying is yes, we are totally going vegan for one entire cheeseless meatless honeyless month.

And that month starts today. Well, tonight actually. At dinner. Which will be vegan mac ‘n cheese. BABY STEPS.

You all remember the proposal Dane made to me last week when he offered to give up control over his diet to me and I offered to do the same with my writing “career”, right? Well, this is the upshot. And instead of just going healthy, organic, and local I decided to make things impossible by playing the vegan card. And Dane is DOWN WITH IT. So down with it, he’s starting his own blog - www.daneeatsvegan.com. It should be up tomorrow and he’s promised to post every day for a month about his journey into veganhood. I’m hoping he talks a lot about his poop.

I’m pretty excited about it, but then again, I like rice and vegetables and nutritional yeast and tofu.

Dane likes meat fried on a stick….dipped in butter.

And just to keep us motivated, here is a picture of what I think I might look like in 10 years - or for that matter, Dane too - if we don’t give this a shot:

Kathleen Turner: Probably not vegan

That’s a Portland reference.

Anyway, I’m very uncomfortable being on camera and my future therapist thinks this is a good idea. Oh, you didn’t know? I can also TELL THE FUTURE.

Enjoy. Or don’t. I don’t know. Okay, I guess I can’t tell the future.

.

It’s for your own good. Trust me.

This Thursday I’m going to be telling a story for Backfence PDX. (For info on what the hell Backfence PDX is, click here. DO IT. CLICK)

Anycrap, what I have to do, what all 6 of us will be doing, is telling a six minute story about summer and love without any notes or paper or hints or black tar heroin. And my particular story has the potential to be so embarrassing and judgment inviting that I can’t believe I’m going to tell it, but I am anyway. Because I am an attention seeking whore.

So that’s happening and you should all come down and witness my abject humiliation and extreme blushingness. My story is guaranteed to make everyone feel just a wee bit uncomfortable in the pants area. And I bet you dollars to donuts my story has more cocaine in it than ALL OF THE OTHER ONES COMBINED. So I win. Maybe.

There is going to be a winner, right?

Speaking of winning, the internet has clearly decided that the Dane Management of Kiala/ Kiala Management of Dane Month of Doing Just That (I should probably think of a better name) is a good idea. So we’ve decided to start on Friday. I’m scared.