Category — I am going to regret this.

I have eaten so many peanut butter special brownies over the last two days that I am SCARED and AFEARED to put real pants on. Luckily, beginning tomorrow, Dane is on vacation for a million days so I can just make him walk the dog and go get tacos when we run out of food.

There’s still the problem of today, however, but I think I’ve got it dialed. I’m going to go to the gym and then walk ZZ in my exercise pants. I see people doing this all the time and I never do. I have a thing about getting dressed for the world. Melissa and I have discussed this at length. But not today! Today’s my day, people. My day to wear elastic waist pants and venture forth into the very real and judge-y gay streets of my neighborhood.

Actually, this might work out (WORK OUT…get it???) really well as all of my jeans are a little big now because everything in San Francisco is uphill and so whenever I lean over to pick up ZZ’s er…waste…I flash the little children running around at the Eureka Valley Rec Center and I know this is scarring them forever. Or giving them something to aspire to. Either/Or.

Over the next few days I will be working on my first piece of Gilmore Girls Fan Fiction. Rory and Lorelei will be leaving Stars Hollow for a whirlwind weekend in San Francisco and many fun and exciting subversive things will happen to them. Stay tuned and Merry almost Jesus everybody!

And I am more than happy to answer them for you today.

By now you’ve all had over 24 hours to let the moving away news seep in (Melissa Lion has had a little bit longer, but her path to acceptance is steep my friends – much like the hills in San Francisco as was pointed out to me by my friend Ned Lannamann) and I imagine you’ve got some simmering resentment, curiosity, and bewilderment in your stockpots of love or whatever.

So ask away – throw your questions into the pot and I’ll bring them to a roiling boil!

Relocation Specialist Kiala™ is here for you.

(Oh! And yes, the blog is coming with me. You people are all I HAVE. Well, you guys and the Effexor. More on the Effexor tomorrow.)

Thank you all so much for your kind comments yesterday. They totally reduced me to a wet, blubbery mess while reading them on the treadmill at the gym and later, walking the dog and then again at the Rite Aid. Great job, people.

Seriously, though, thank you. It means a lot. And we finally got the hang of giving Arthur his shots, we think. The vet assured us that if we do accidentally hit a vein we won’t kill him. Bathed in relief.

To lighten things up a bit I thought I’d post this old photo of a photo of me and my best friend, Sy Parrish. This was taken when we were both about 21-ish, I think? Sy looks gorgeous and I look well, at least I look young. And skinny.

Clearly, we were both of us going through a pretty heavy Henry and June period – a movie I believe we watched approximately eleventy billion times together. Well…that and The Newsies. And Swing Kids. And Reservoir Dogs. And Until the End of the World. And Romper Stomper.

Moving on!

in other news I will be liveblogging the Prezzy debate tonight with the Merc peoples! I’m pretty excited about it. And also confused as to why they would need my expertise on ankle boots and shiny hair for a political whatchamacalit but whatevs – I’m down as the kids say.

I hope they know I’m a Republican.

Because I am bored to tears and don’t feel like cleaning or working out.

Wonder Woman from Kiala Kazebee on Vimeo.

Fringe Obsessions from Kiala Kazebee on Vimeo.

Here is the wardrobe_remix person I’m talking about. CLICK ME.

I drank three glasses of wine

One

Two

Three

And then decided I should dance with the kids on stage – a decision I regretted almost immediately.

(Justin took this picture.)

And now I’m lying around watching Israeli movies about Hebrew lesbians. Don’t ask.

So, I’m fairly certain I have an abscessed tooth.

That’s sexy, right?

Anyway, I had a root canal about oh, seven years ago and then couldn’t afford a crown and now all hell has broken loose in my mouth.

It’s either that or I overdid it on the hot sauce yesterday in my pita sandwich. In any case, I’m going to the dentist this morning. I’m positive it won’t cost us more than five or six million dollars.

In other news, we’re still living surrounded by piles and piles of boxes and this does not activate my latent OCD AT ALL. I’m fine with it (grinds teeth) just FINE. And Dane’s fine with it, too. He’s fine because instead of looking around for his, I don’t know, The Punisher place holders or whatever like a normal person, he just asks me where are his The Punisher place holders . And then the laser beams shoot out of my eyes and my head explodes.

Back to the tooth situation – I’m a little scared to go to the dentist because they always reprimand me for not flossing even though I do floss and they break out those little slides of bacteria and show me what not flossing even though I do floss is doing to my gums and the woman showing me the slides has perfect white teeth and I know she is judging me. Harshly.

I’m guessing they are going to schedule an emergency root canal/tooth extraction (zomg! Fake tooth!At least it’s way in the back) and I’ll be all puffy and medicated and unable to drink alcohol for a few days. Booooo.

I would liveblog my dentist trip but that would be gross.

Wish me luck.

I slammed my finger in our front door last night.

Finger: Hurt all night long.

After watching the latest episode of 30 Days this weekend about farm animal abuse, Dane and I are all ready to climb up on our high horse (after we whisper gently into his horsey ear, “Do you mind if I climb up on you?”) and ride it around like only a vegan knows how to do. What I am saying is yes, we are totally going vegan for one entire cheeseless meatless honeyless month.

And that month starts today. Well, tonight actually. At dinner. Which will be vegan mac ‘n cheese. BABY STEPS.

You all remember the proposal Dane made to me last week when he offered to give up control over his diet to me and I offered to do the same with my writing “career”, right? Well, this is the upshot. And instead of just going healthy, organic, and local I decided to make things impossible by playing the vegan card. And Dane is DOWN WITH IT. So down with it, he’s starting his own blog – www.daneeatsvegan.com. It should be up tomorrow and he’s promised to post every day for a month about his journey into veganhood. I’m hoping he talks a lot about his poop.

I’m pretty excited about it, but then again, I like rice and vegetables and nutritional yeast and tofu.

Dane likes meat fried on a stick….dipped in butter.

And just to keep us motivated, here is a picture of what I think I might look like in 10 years – or for that matter, Dane too – if we don’t give this a shot:

Kathleen Turner: Probably not vegan

That’s a Portland reference.

Anyway, I’m very uncomfortable being on camera and my future therapist thinks this is a good idea. Oh, you didn’t know? I can also TELL THE FUTURE.

Enjoy. Or don’t. I don’t know. Okay, I guess I can’t tell the future.

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