Category — arbitrary lines will be drawn.

I’m eating this – it’s half a veggie sausage on a whole grain ezekiel english muffin with spinach, avocado and jalapenos. I’m very healthy all the time.

Lunch: Not this one but one very much like it and soon.

So last night Dane proposed something to me. He said that I could take over his nutrition for a month (although, ominously, “not on weekends” he said) if he could take over my writing career. What he means is getting me to pitch stories to people who might say no to me which makes me cry mad and not the actual writing because I am a genius and he, sadly, is not.

What do you think, internet…should I let him and also, do I really want to force Dane to eat vegetables for a month? Doesn’t that seem like a lot of work?

Or something. I didn’t really read the post. But my friend Matt Davis did and he has opinions about it…and I’m about to have opinions about it too.

On his blog.

In the comments.

Or maybe Jenna will.

But you guys definitely should…so go over there and tell him how it is.

(Especially you Crissy. Because we’ve missed you.)

We went to a wedding in Eugene this weekend and it was everything I ever dreamed a wedding held at the Eugene Hilton would be – awe inspiring.

We started off on Saturday in our rental car and this happened because the cd player couldn’t read the discs we brought with us…

road trip! from Kiala Kazebee on Vimeo.

After we got to Eugene and checked into the hotel and made sure everyone in the lobby knew we were IMPORTANT and from PORTLAND which is THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE and that I am a freelance writer who is friends with DAVE ALLEN and I frequently contribute to The NEW YORKER THE MERCURY which is also THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE we got ready for the wedding reception.

I immediately drank a four dollar bottle of water because I roll like jelly.

I didn’t ask Dane first.

There is a video of this, but Vimeo is being a WHORE. Instead, here is a picture of us all dressed up and, I think I should mention this again, LOOKING VERY IMPORTANT.

Dane and Kiala: We pay retail.

And also, me possibly stealing some presents. I don’t know. That was not my first or fifth glass of wine.

I need a toaster. I’m not kidding. C’mon toaster!

What was the food like at the reception, you ask? It was like this..

Wedding Food from Kiala Kazebee on Vimeo.

Afterwards, everyone headed to a bar across the street which did not meet our rigorous standards of excellence – i.e. it was not the karaoke bar that was promised to us.

At this point Dane was fed up with the less important Eugene people and their sports bar, tailgating, false karaoke promising ways – so he grabbed my hand and yelled at them, “YOU MAY BE BETTER LOOKING THAN ME, BUT I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU. I’M OUT!” and we went back to the hotel room to have sex on a pile of thousandy dollars bills and empty mini bar items. Because we are assholes.

I’ve decided there will be no more karaoke for me until this song is an option in the karaoke books.

Sorry. You will just have to laugh at someone else making an ass of themselves until then.