This is not going to make anyone laugh.
In a little over a month we’ll be back in Portland. REJOICE! UPRISE! ETCETERA!!!!
There is something I need to address before we fly back to the mothership or sail back to the motherland or drive back to my mother’s house or what have you – something I’ve needed to say out loud for well over two years. Deep breath. This is not going to be pretty.
Dear previous friendships from my previous marriage,
Aside from the two or three of you (Renee, Beth, and Trent) who made attempts to see how I was doing during that long, cold, and confusing time period where I LEFT MY HUSBAND the rest of you can kindly go fuck yourselves.
I will never, ever be able to understand or forgive the late night angry text messages followed by hostile radio silence. I will never understand or forgive “friends” who abandoned me during the time when I needed them most, leaving me to fend for myself and start all over again on my own. I will never understand or forgive your decisions to turn on the person who did NOT go out and spread rumors and lies about their partner but instead stayed in, alone and confused and scared. I will never understand or forgive you for condemning me for finding friendship and eventually, love in a time when I had nothing and no one to turn to.
I’m fine now, thank you. More than fine. And Dane and I are fine. Yes, DANE. Dane, who you all underestimated, who you dismissed as “not good enough for me” or “too soon” or “not cool enough” or “not good looking enough” by whatever shallow standards you had cooked up in your mean little minds.
I realize this post is not funny and it sounds bitter and god yes, it is bitter, but I’ve been holding onto this wound for nearly three years and I can’t pretend anymore like this never happened. I can’t run into any of you and pretend like everything is fine and water off a duck’s back and roll with the punches or whatever because fuck you, you all punched me when I was down. YOU PUNCHED ME.
So go ahead. Be angry. Get angry. Get together and talk and drink and say to each other over and over again, “Is she crazy? What did we ever do to her? Why is she saying this now?” I’m not crazy. I wasn’t strong enough to say it before. You never apologized. Your actions were selfish and you all took the easy way out. You were never my friends.
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28 comments
I hope they finally realize how much you were hurt during such a difficult period in your life. Most people never know there are always two parties involved and it’s not just a one sided feud.
#nerdhugs
Ohhh awonger. I can always count on you. #nerdhugs #furbggglurgles
You have real friends who love and adore you waiting for you now in Portland.
That’s all that matters.
Your friends are probably planning a huge shindig for you. Hopefully, the party will entail someone jumping out of a cake in revealing clothing. I’m thinking that someone should be Dane and you post pictures on your blog about it.
Ooh yes! Cake with Dane in his underpanties!!!
You’re clearly better off. And anyone who doesn’t see that Dane is a raging, swoon-inducing stud needs to clean off their glasses.
Karma always wins in the end. May the sweat from Kathy Bates’ vulva after a five mile run splash in to their eyes. Both of them. Their eyes, that is. Not both of her vu… nevermind.
People who do those things to you were never your friends to begin with. It really bugs me when people, especially so-called “friends,” get extremely self-righteous about other’s relationships, when in fact their relationships are often no better, or may even be worse. The best thing you can do is follow your heart. No one can fault you for that. And only your true friends will follow along with you and support you along the way.
Anyone who says Dane isn’t hunky and good-looking will have to answer to my mongoloid ass!
Yes to Charley and Cokeman and Nate
Everything you said.
Also *sniffle*
Also Dane is the cutest most handsomest thing EVER.
BOOM Kiala is all meek and then she feels the need to drop some truth and then she does.
Those people sound like assholes. Portland assholes. There.. I said it. I lived there for 5 years. I know a Portland asshole when I see one.
- Los Angeles Asshole
I enjoy the cathartic TRUTH-TELLING, Kiala. I don’t know who any of these people are, but I kick them in the virtual balls. KICK.
I’ve been trying to catch up ever since that brief run in at the EEF thing. Man, your life gets complicated. Ah, I guess they all do.
Oh hi Luke! You never emailed me. Sad face.
Robert- I credit the Effexor. I feel better now.
Sarah – thank you. Please do kick them in the nutses.
A few things… ::ahem::
You are one of the most amazingly talented and kind people I know. I feel honored to be in your presence, and – dare I say it – call you my friend. Anyone who doesn’t realize what they have and what you bring to a relationship is seriously disturbed and not worth your tears or energy or #furbles.
Also, I want to be serious for a second and thank *you* for always being there for me every time a boy makes me cry. You always tell me it will be alright and that I have people who care about me and will find someone better. You prove that to me and you know I worship/admire/stalk you and can not wait for you to come home. HOME, I SAY.
Lub and stuff.
#furblechesthairs to Dane from me. <3
These people sound like dicks and good for you for not putting up with people who clearly were not your friends. You and Dane are both sexy mamajamas. Do I know what a mamajama is? No. Not really. The point is, you go glen coco!
This comment was terrible. But really, I understand how much it sucks to have friends turn away from you when you need them the most. I just broke up with my boyfriend of five years and uh, where da friends at? Some of those fuckers even made fun of me! Now I’m going to go listen to Metallica and break shit. Good day.
You and Dane are the hotness! And he is totally awesome and likes neat things like comics and Internets and kittehs. Those people sound like ass hats. I can’t imagine how any decent person could mistreat you. You’re so genuine, and sweet, and funny.
Oh you guys. You’re so good for my ego. And ANY AND ALL of yu ladies please email me any time about your feelings. I will cut a bitch who hurts you.
I will.
fuck. them.
Well it’s about time you opened a can of whoop-ass. Everything is always fluffy kitty’s and Felicia Day hair but I knew there had to be a dark side. Dare I say, an evil streak. You have to understand that evil streaks are very sexy.
Just accept the fact that most people are fuckers and you’ll instantly be in a better place. Here’s the part where I share a similar personal story…
One of my co-workers was getting divorced and all their friends chose “her side.” He is (was) a religious person and all of his peeps, his “community” shunned him. Literally shunned. Some of them showed up at his court date for the divorce proceedings…to support her.
He took the high road and just didnt talk to them. Sure enough, it’s 5 years later and of his close group of “couple friends” 3 of the 5 are now divorced. So I think its safe to say, there are probably both shallow and good reasons for people actions. Who know’s whats going on in their own homes?
I hope your post was cathartic and not something you regret in the morning.
Hey, if you recall, I started visiting your site by calling you names and pretty much shredding you. Now I’m here supporting you. Go Kiala!
And one last thought…did you ever think that you and Dane could transform FOTC into a porn site? This way you wouldn’t have any money woes (buy that new Dyson you always wanted!) and you could point to your womany-parts when you tell those bastards to fuck off. Plus, we get to see Kiala’s boobs. Nice.
Oh god, I look like one of those evil friends because I haven’t commented.
First, I hate the people of which you speak. HATE THEM. And if we see them together, I’m gonna go all batshit only child So-Cal Upper Middle Class girl crazy on them. Which you know is fucking scary.
Second, may I say that though these people are total fucking dickweeds, your friends now appreciate you. As I go through my own divorce-ish thing, you and Dane have been the most wonderful friends for me. So kind and generous and always funny. So maybe when I’m stabbing these people in the eyeballs on your behalf, you can stand there and think, smugly, that you are a far better person than they are.
I will never consider your romantic life my affair. When you have dinner parties, I will bring bread and cookies, when I have dinner parties, you and Dane can bring beer. I hope you don’t mind that I live with two alcoholics. When there are a bunch of cool people around to laugh at them, they can actually make great entertainment.
(You see how I did that there? Cookies and bread are way cheaper than beer. I profit. #uprise)
Wow, I barely even know you and I applaud this post. Way to blow the awkward chance meeting bullshit out of the water. Yes.
Thank you Matthew! I hope one of them actually reads it. Maybe I should print it out and post it somewhere.
That wouldn’t be weird at all.
vicious is sexy.
I remember those days. I knew your ex before I met you, and I’m glad to say that I judge people in person and not in hearsay. How can someone be the “bad guy” for wanting to find happiness? Should we all just stay in unhappy relationships to avoid hurting our partners? Nonsense. I’m glad you met Dane, and I’m glad you are both happy. You are two of the smartest, sexiest and wittiest people I know.
Perhaps you should print your post and send it to the Mercury’s “I, ANONYMOUS.”
that’s a good last line– “You are two of the smartest, sexiest and wittiest people I know”. i don’t even officially know you but i’m going to agree with that quote!
I am so sorry you had to go through this. I can only imagine how painful the situation was already, but to have friends turn on you, Jesus. That’s beyond cruel. The people you mention sound like absolute tossers. I’ve never been divorced, but I have been through something traumatic where I needed my friends like never before. Some friends disappeared and some were downright weird, so I’ll share my thoughts. I think our situations are, in a general sense, similar.
I lost my mother to cancer almost a year ago. She was, to sadly quote a cliche, my best friend, not to mention the fucking coolest, hippest, goofiest woman. She wasn’t perfect, but we had an amazing relationship. She was only 60 when she died.
A few close friends disappeared after the first few weeks. One used her recent move as an excuse to lose touch. Most surprising, hurtful and disappointing was one very close friend who’d always been — for years — so very emotionally giving and supportive to me, and he disappeared. After the first few weeks, he didn’t check in on me at all — I had to reach out to HIM a solid 3-4 months later. I’d not even let the hurt get to me; I couldn’t. I had more important feelings to process. What bothered me was that it was atypical of his personality. One friend though, who was not in my inner circle, went out of her way to be there for me, and we’re closer now because of it.
With death — and I think ANY major circumstance that causes personal upheaval — people get caught up in what they think they’re ’supposed’ to say. So instead, they keep quiet. Or they just can’t handle it at all and the friendship is forever different. Because what are we supposed to do, read their minds? Just assume that they care? Bullshit. Silence reads as “This person isn’t reaching out so they probably don’t give a shit.” Regardless of whether that’s true. But in these cases, actions do speak louder than words. And they carry more weight.
For me, I think some friends needed to see I was “ok” (i.e., not a perpetual blubbering mess) and then we could resume our usual friendship and go get Pinkberry or dinner and gab. (Those were the friends whom I knew, immediately, I couldn’t call at 3am if I had an upsetting dream about my Mom and needed someone TO JUST LISTEN, GODDAMIT.) Regardless of my ability to get dinner or enjoy Pinkberry with a friend, I wasn’t OK, and I’ll be forever changed, fundamentally.
Granted, I didn’t have anyone trash-talking my mother (well, actually, my extended Irish family did just that, before she died, because they’re all self-righteous booze hounds with nothing to do but gossip and lie), BUT – when you’ve come to expect a certain modicum of behavior from the people closest to you, and then the opposite happens, it stings. And stuns.
In a magical train of thought, some people expect that soon after the trauma, you’ll be fine & back to normal. So when you’re still wrecked, it’s like…oh, you’re still upset? Um…yes. And you just wanna scream — IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! Or at least, I definitely wanted to scream that.
So, after all this rambling and psychobabble, my point is basically that people will always surprise us, both good and bad. It’s devastating when you think someone has your back and they ultimately don’t. They’re chicken shit, they’re spineless, they don’t deserve your time. That doesn’t take the hurt away, though. But the best part of this — from what I’ve read here and “know” of you — is that you figured out who the rotten apples are. That’s half the battle. And you were able to move on and find someone new and awesome who makes you happy. And I think that just might be the second half of the battle.
-Diopter
Oh Diopter – that was the sweetest, most awfulest story I’ve ever heard. Fuck those friends. FUCK THEM.
I’m still damaged from when my mother had a stroke and that almost 15 years ago. I think people show their true nature when the chips are down and unfortunately, the chips have to be down before we find out.
I like you. That is all.
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