A post in which I explain how I’m not crazy, thereby making me look crazier.
Recently, I was called “mentally ill” by a commenter – let’s call him “Sandom Buy”.
He has since apologized, but the sting of the epithet lives on in my fevered, drug addled mind and I wake up at three and four and then five in the morning mumbling out loud to myself that “I’m not mentally ill, I just play one on the internet” and so forth.
I guess, technically, I AM crazy but only so far as everyone is crazy and neurotic nowadays (I like to say “nowadays” because I am old and this is a right of privilege given to my people- the old people).
Every single writer I know has been or is on some form of anti-depressant (it’s the new drinking!) and this is not just because we are all Special Snowflakes but also because we are sensitive and we see shit that we can’t un-see that for some reason doesn’t upset other people the same way it upsets us.
This is infuriating.
It makes me soooo maaaad when I meet girls who say things like, “I don’t get it, what’s wrong with liking Fall Out Boy? My boyfriend does” or guys who put gel in their hair and then go about their day as if they aren’t total assholes.
These are all superficial things, I know, but they are the thin, oily, douchey veneer that coats the underbelly of something sick and twisted and boring in our society. DON’T JUDGE ME FOR THAT METAPHOR, PLEASE.
So those things upset us and we can’t get past it even though we are the authors of our own fate and we shouldn’t blame other people for our own inability to push through and soldier on and meet our goals and make it to the grocery store even though it is the only thing you have to do today but still it’s just hanging over your head and you will find any excuse not to leave the house just yet and isn’t there some oatmeal somewhere in the cupboards and maybe Dane will just pick it up on the way home and hey, look at all the new stuff they have at American Apparel.net and oh, I should really refresh the io9 page because there might be Dollhouse spoilers and yes, okay, I guess I am, as someone mentioned at some point, a little mentally ill.
FINE. YOU WIN INTERNET.
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20 comments
you have never been hotter than you are RIGHT NOW.
ps. i use a texturizer.. does that fit in the “gel” category?
Whooo, hear that internet?? I AM HAWWT. I don’t think texturizer counts and even if it did, you are not the kind of dude to which I was referring.
If you’re mentally ill… I don’t even want to know what I am.
Magical?
“thin, oily, douchey veneer”
BEST METAPHOR EVER.
Thank you Nels!
Kiala-
I never comment, but I have been a loyal reader since way back when you used to comment all the time on katheats. I love your blog, your sense of humor, your kitty pictures:) Everything! I think everyone is a little crazy and if you’re not, then you’re probably frightfully boring:) Keep up the great posts! Don’t listen to the haters!
Hi Janie! Thank you for the nice comment. I’m glad you’re lurking around in there. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
Okay, I was going to save this for email because I’m such a people pleaser and I don’t want Random Buy not liking my blog anymore, but I’m going to say it out loud.
Here’s a guy who got OUTRAGED that you made a cheerleader video. Not because he was upset because the subject was a teenager, but because he didn’t have time to do that at work. Think about that for a moment. It’s so much more about his unhappiness than anything to do with you.
Furthermore, when people say they don’t have time to do *whatever* I just can’t take that seriously. I take care of my family full-time and still manage to make a living as a writer. I GO TO WORK AT 10 PM, RANDOM BUY. After spending all day with a three-year old. And I still manage to make videos for the internet. Get over yourself, RB!
KK — You are a wonderful person, one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had in my life. You’re loving and kind and always, always supportive. I wish I could be half the friend that you are.
I don’t think you’re mentally ill. You are a human being.
Yes, thank you for saying that about Sandom Buy. That part irritated me, too. I mean, making stoopid videos is part of my job…or, well, it should be anyway. And you are the twice the friend I am – especially in the booby area.
What about the people who hate perfect-seeming girls in skinny jeans, Tory Burch flats, and glossy lips, but simultaneously wish they could wear skinny jeans, Tory Burch flats and glossy lips — are they mentally ill too? Also, what about people who read blogs written by people they don’t know and eat reduced fat cheez-its even though they know they contain small amounts of partially hydrogenated soybean oil?
I really hope Dollhouse is good. I like that chick from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
God, I hope that doesn’t make you crazy because that is about 95 percent of what I think about all day. The other 5 percent is about my hair. And orphans or whatever.
I KNEW your comment about the gel was going to make Ken feel insecure.
HA!
I like being a Special Individualist Snowflake with you Kiala.
Crazy on homeslice.
I ride with you.
But do you ride dirty? Cuz that’s the only way we roll, sistah.
Shhh, its okay… shhhhh…
I get the Fall Out Boy thing. I cringe when I hear their music.
I did some yoga. I feel better now. But if I see Pete Wentz on the tv, I’m gonna cut somebody.
Wow, MSPL, that was a really nice (and wise) comment. I’m glad you put it on the interweb instead of email. You are a good friend.
She is a good friend. You’re not so bad yourself, intertube friend.
One of the dangers of talking about being on anti-depressants is that people are going to stigmatize you.
People are cunts.
That’s depressing.
I need more pills.
Etcetera.
But the danger of getting involved in advocacy for those suffering with mental health problems is: You realize that the sicker you get, the less help there is available, and the worse the stigma gets.
It’s probably better to just ignore it, mate. This country’s mental health system is broken. This country’s attitude to mental health is…er…mental.
http://mattdavisopenshismouth.com/2009/02/we-have-been-paying-16-billion-a-year-instead-of-2-billion-a-year-for-drugs-that-seem-to-be-no-better-and-might-be-worse/
If I could “just ignore it” on my own, I wouldn’t need the Effexor. HOWEVER, you bring up an important point which is WHY is the whole country on anti-depressants? I blame the Republicans and pesticides.
Everybody is a little bit crazy. And if they’re not then they’re not living life to the fullest. That’s just my humble opinion…or just what I tell myself to make myself feel better for being crazy so don’t tell me I’m wrong.
I won’t Meggy. I’m afeared of you.
One of my commenters today asked me, “Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
Makes you wonder whether you’re the insane one or just the whole world.
I’m going with …uh…both?
I’m crazy for hamburgers!
And hummus!
I just ate at Burgerville. I haven’t eaten fast food in a very long time. It was delicious. And now I’m worried I’m going to die in the next twenty minutes. WHO’S CRAZY NOW?
Also, I’m crazy for cheeseburgers.
I miss you so much.
And I forgot to pick up my Lexapro & Lorazepam prescriptions yesterday – so I’m a bit on edge. So on edge, in fact, that I am convinced my bangs are sticking up funny, so my OCD is kicking in and I’m checking them in the mirror in the back room at work every two seconds. And I was meeting with a student, and she looked like she was looking at them and I was like “are you looking at my bangs?!” and she was all “no, I’m looking at your glasses” and i was all “oh, ok.” but secretly – i knew. i knew she was FUCKING looking at my FUCKING BANGS!.
god dammit.
Not crazy at all, Kiala. If I wrote in my blog half of the things that make their way through my head, I’d probably be labeled an outright loon. Mucho respect for being honest.
Fuck.
I’m not anti-depressants and never have been! I better get something quick.
p.s.
You’re awesome and one of my inspirations for starting my dumb blog so don’t worry about the haters.
special snowflakes all have a heightened awareness that leaves them feeling anxious and alienated in this dull, grim world.
you are not mentally ill. you are just smart. and hilarious.
really mentally ill people are scary. and they make me feel really bad for ever thinking i actually am.
Liam and I were JUST talking about crazies. Since we both work in theater this seems to come up fairly regularly. What it always comes around to is the difference between ‘okay crazy’ and ‘not okay crazy.’
Specifically, there is the crazy that is kind and supportive (though admittedly still self involved) and there is the crazy that is so competitive that they don’t want anyone else to do well or be happy. Ever.
And I think people know which one they are.
Also. ‘Otter of your own fat.”
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