Well, I left the house.
Okay, so my first trip alone in the city was not what you might call a “success”. In fact, you might call it an “embarrassing failure”.
Everything started out fine. I had on my new sweater, purchased with the advice of Melissa Lion, and a pretty top and uh, shoes and stuff ( I was trying to describe my outfit to paint you a word picture but I got bored halfway through – sorry) and a handful of quarters for the light rail thingy that only takes quarters or suzerains (SUZERAINS – say it to yourself, it’s fun!), so I felt confident and relaxed. The ride in took about two minutes and I walked up to the correct exit from the underground area but as I came out onto Van Ness everything went to shit.
It was totally dark and cars and crazy dudes were whizzing by and by me (respectively) and I got all turned around and confused.
So I consulted my iPhone Google Map Application and started walking in the direction it told me to, but no matter what I did, the little blue circle kept taking me back to Market St. IT WAS SO UPSETTING.
I finally had to call Dane and admit that I was lost. This made my feminist confidence whither up and die inside me. Also, I was on the verge of tears and I had to pee really, really bad. I hate having to pee – it just makes everything so much worse. Plus, I was getting really sweaty and I may have forgotten to put on deodorant. No deodorant in my new sweater I bought with Melissa Lion. Boo.
Finally, I made it to Dane’s office and I was supposed to call him so he could come down and let me in but the call kept failing and I almost threw the goddamn iPhone across the street where a bar was conveniently located – a bar I was now convinced would be my place of employment in my new life as The Lost Girl in An Unfamiliar New City Who Overcomes Many Obstacles By Being Really Plucky and Positive and Renovating the Bar and Saving it From Being Shut Down, Thereby Winning Over the Hearts of Her Crusty Mean Old Boss and His Patrons.
This movie will be called Home Alone 4 – Adventures in Babysitting in the City at Coyote Ugly: The Musical!
I’m sure my next venture out will be better. Right? RIGHT?
It’s not too late to become a shut in, is it?
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11 comments
The next time will most decidedly be better. I remember my first time in NYC. My sister gave me a metro card and a map and told me what time to come back. There was crying. Lots of crying. But I did eventually find what I was looking for and made it back and did not succumb to a taxi. It gets better!
If that happened to me I’d totally stop leaving the house. I pretty much lose my shit when I’m lost.
I don’t go anywhere alone.
EVER.
But you’ll learn your way around in no time because you’re Plucky and Positive!
And also because you have a new sweater and those always make the brain function more efficiently.
You know what? That area is very confusing because the streets all go at weird angles and you have to cross Van Ness at Market and then take that weird left to get to Hayes Valley and Van Ness and Market look nothing like Hayes Valley, so where the fuck am I?!?
Plus Van Ness is scary in general.
why was it dark? were you out streetwalking again?
I believe in you.
Baby steps, Kiala…
Next time will definitely be better, but I’d highly recommend taking your next show on the road during the daylight hours. There’s nuthin’ more confusing than unfamiliar geography after dark.
In other news, I’d totally buy tickets to the Lost Girl movie.
I vote for the shut in thing…Ive working on it myself. Its awesome
I’m so effing proud of you. You did it. And you’re going to be a millionaire with that movie idea! Good thing you didn’t put it on the internet for everyone to steal, right!?
.. ha, wait, what? she did? oh. fuck.
Can I play the part of the snotty theater bartender/server lady in the movie?
Hmm. San Francisco is but a hop, skip, and a jump away. What are you guys doing for thanksgiving time? Should we explore the new city together? We can do a double date. You bring Dane and I’ll bring Robotbert. He’s dreamy.
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