Another day, another sinus infection.
It’s the maddening tickle in my right nostril that really gets me. And it extends to everything on that side of my face. My eye is all twitchy and my ear is plugged up and there is only so much Zicam I can take before my heart explodes from the crazy zinc-y stimulant.
So I think I’ll take it easy today and just clean the house, vacuum the furbleweeds, run the stairs in the West Hills, bake some cookies, organize the closets, clean the baseboards, and write my novel. You know, veg out as the kids used to say.
In the meantime I’m here to answer your questions because it’s Friday!
And today’s advice column - in honor of my longstanding obsession with people who have food obsessions- is about nutrition. So go on, ask me your questions and I will answer them because I want you to be the perfectest perfect you that you can perfectly be.
And I may even answer one or two in video format. Huh? RIGHT? Exciting! So c’mon kids, let’s kick those eating disorders into high gear! Let’s talk food!
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20 comments
Dear Kiala,
Can you please do a video interpretation of the way Kath’s website makes you feel? And furthermore, I don’t believe avocados are bad or fattening. They get a bum rep. Please address this and also clear up if the terminology is rep (as in reputation) or rap (as in music).
Thanks,
Your fan,
Melissa R Lion, Master of Fine Arts
Dear Kiala,
HOw many beers can I drink in one sitting while still avoiding damage to my liver? Is that even nutrition related?
Best,
Chris
Dear Kiala,
I’m 5′10″ and I weigh 157 pounds or so. How many calories should I consume per typical day on average? What about on Saturdays, when I mostly lie there?
Thanks!
Charley
Dear Kiala,
There is a woman in my office who works at Cliff Bar. She has been bringing in loads of cliff bars and luna bars and mojo bars. The other day I had a cliff bar and a mojo bar for breakfast and it gave me the shits. And yet I can’t stop eating this delicous fiber filled treats. Do you have any advice?
I’m eating a mojo right now…
andie (last name has been changed to protect the privacy of bathroom compatriots)
Dear Kiala,
My trainer has me on a strict diet of 1600 calories a day so that I may lose 12.5 pounds before I turn 30.
Is it okay that I reserve most of these calories for alcohol at the end of the day?
Cheers!
Rhi
Kiala
I sometimes eat cake for dinner. Just cake. Like half a cake in one sitting.
What’s your favorite type of cake?
Beth
Melissa- One vimeo coming up!
Charley- On the days you exercise, in order to maintain your weight of 157 lbs, you should aim for the 1800-2000 calorie range…maybe more depending on how vigorously you work out. On the days you just lie there, you should probably keep it around 16-1800 calories. I didn’t look this up or anything. I just happen to know what a 150ish pound person should eat. Coincidentally. MY DRIVERS LICENSE SAYS 135 SO THAT IS WHAT I WEIGH, OKAY? Moving on.
Andiee- Your body will get used to the fiber, eventually, but I’ve found that the Luna bars are the easiest to digest if you remember to chug chug chug the water. I prefer the taste of the Mojo bars, though.
Rhi- I am on this same diet! Forever! And I try to consume only about 14oo calories worth of food plus two glasses of wine. On average I meet my caloric goals once, maybe twice a week. The other days it all goes to shit after 4 pm.
Beth- I used to work at this place which sold these Jack Daniel’s whiskey cakes. It was like banana bread with whiskey in the middle. DELICIOUS. You know what would be even better? If you opened the box for that particular cake and found a loaf of banana bread and a bottle of Jack sitting next to it. For dipping.
Dear Kiala -
OK, I apologize, it’s not really nutrition related, but it IS exercise related and since I am watching what I eat and combining this habit with exercise in order to get rid of the tire around my hips, I thought I would ask:
When you do yoga and pilates and a kajillion sit-ups, do you have a six pack under the flab that will miraculously appear once you diet away the fat? Is cardio absolutely necessary?
Oh! Oops CHRIS -
I can only drink one beer before I’m full. It’s like food. But you are a Man and therefore can probably drink like fourteen beers without doing any permanent damage.
Autumn - From what I’ve read, cardio is the fastest route to fat burning and yes, even though you may have the stomach muscles of Madonna, no one will see them until you hop on the elliptical four to five days a week. HOWEVER, I’ve also read that interval training on a treadmill or whatever is even faster for burning fat. So like, do four minutes of high intensity heart rate and then two minutes of recovery, alternating for an hour. I used to have a spinning instructor who would have us do this and I swear to god, she was right. Okay, I’m going to take my own advice and try this out today.
Good for you with the yoga, etc though. Flexibility and bone density are just as important as a healthy cardiovascular system.
I read a lot of Shape magazine. Instead of exercising.
How do I motivate myself to exercise? Do I wait until I’m really obese?
Dear nutrition goddess Kiala,
My job, my recent move and the gagillion furbleweeds floating around my shiny new apartment have contributed over the past month to extreme stress, and therefore, rapid weight loss, which I really do not need as I have trouble staying grounded when the wind kicks up. In response, I have been eating the following diet:
Breakfast: Two cups of coffee and a donut
Lunch: A slice of pizza from Roccos and a soda
Dinner: Something that was healthy until I covered it in cheese (I love cheese)
Post-dinner snack: two donuts from my favorite neighborhood donut shop Tonalli’s
Post-post-dinner snack: more cheese and crackers, and sometimes a yogurt (I like my dairy ok)
Should I continue my regimen or do I need to kick it up a notch and start frequenting buffets? Its not really helping and my jeans don’t fit and I hate belts. I sound like a really obnoxious skinny person..but seriously help!
Isabelle- If you wait until you’re obese, you’ll never start exercising because I’ve met you and I can tell you just don’t have those obese genes.
So start now. Start small. Try a push up and then take a nap. Then buy yourself something nice.
Nathalie- Do you like nut butters? The combination of nut butters by the spoonful and weight bearing exercise should help you put on some weight. So buy a thing of peanut butter and keep it in your desk. Oh also, AVOCADOS. Try eating toast with butter and avocado. Seriously. Try it. Protein shakes are a good idea too. Peanut butter banana and yogurt smoothies are delicious AND healthy.
I know being underweight can be just as maddening as being overweight. Okay, I don’t know but I’m trying to empathize here.
Dear Kiala,
I weigh like 185 pounds. Should I just go for broke and shoot for 200? I’ve never weighed 200 pounds. Shouldn’t that be something I do in life, while I still can?
Dear Saint Kiala,
I find food unsatisfying. See, most of the beverages I drink are intoxicating, but pretty much none of the food I eat is intoxicating. I have tried in the past doing without food and just enjoying my intoxicating beverages along with what I will call “vitamins.” The results were not good.
What intoxicating foods can I eat to the exclusion of non-intoxicating (and therefore utterly useless) foods?
Dear Boss Lady,
If I really hate my job [and I do] and I really hate my life [which I do] - what is the best way to use food to make those around me miserable?
Love,
Intern Meagan
Chop up fresh apple seeds and put them in some cookies. Then give the cookies to the people you hate. Apple seeds make people barf. They will have upset stomachs and barf everywhere.
YES, apple seeds contain cyanide! This was always my plan in high school. Make everyone apple seed treats so we all barf simultaneously and therefore have one more day to study for that test!
YOU’RE BOTH GENIUSES!
Dear Far-Too-Knowledgeable-Kiala,
Due to the combination of my adventurous eighteen-year-old-youth, and my University residence building, I spend a lot of time being drunk (please do not take that as an invitation to report underage drinking).
Actually, I am relatively intoxicated now, even if my impressive grammar skills and lack of misplaced parallelism may indicate otherwise.
What is the best magic-hangover-preventing-thing to consume before retiring to my warm, inviting bed, while in the state I am currently in? I have the utmost faith in you.
All my drunken love,
Meagan.
P.S. Please give my regards to the talented Dr. Intern Meagan. Her insightful advice regarding the Abercrombie clones has been invaluable.
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