Fiscally Irresponsible Friday!
Hi Guys! Welcome to Friday!
I’ll bet you’ve got lots of things planned this weekend, haven’t you? Like cocaine binges, the Thea-tah, trips to the museum, and getting majorly ta-rashed on vodka sodas. Am I right? And I’ll bet you haven’t really thought about how much money you’ll be spending on all this cultcha, now have you? And I’ll also bet you’ve got a million niggling (omg, is that…is it…is it ok to say “niggling”?) worries and doubts rattling around inside your mind about your weekend finances.
Well buck up, little campers, Senior Financial Analyst Kiala is here to answer your weekend money questions, soothe your fears, and put the “Fine” back in “Financial”. Let me just find my calculator. One sec. Ah here it is! (Blows dust off and types “boobless” immediately.)
“But Senior Financial Analyst Kiala” you say, “are you qualified? At all?”
BAH! Harrumph! And other old man sounds. Of course I’m qualified. I have 60, 000 dollars in student loan debt which, until very recently was in default status AND I’m fairly certain I owe at least three Hollywood Video’s upwards of sixty dollars each. So, you ask, am I qualified?
No.
Bring on the questions! Senior Financial Analyst Kiala awaits your thingies.
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29 comments
SFAK -
I am going to see Hanson this weekend … twice. I am splitting gas and a hotel room with three other girls and I think that $40 should cover those two things.
I have approximately NO monies in my bank account.
But I want to take like $100 so I can go drinking in Seattle the night after the second concert, and buy a Hanson t-shirt.
INTERN MEAGAN NEEDS HELP!
PS - If you paid me, I wouldn’t be in this mess.
<3
Dear Intern Meagan,
OMG, have so much fun at Hanson! Whee!
Tell your parents you need some emergency dental procedure done and you need the cash now. Or pad the amount of money you think you’ll be spending on textbooks and ask them for that.
These are both good options.
I would pay you for your job, but I think not paying you lends moral character. To me.
Love,
SFAK
Hello financial analyst Kiala, I have been lurking on your blog a few weeks, and would like to take this opportunity to ask:
How would one [hypothetically] fund ones’ coke… um.. a cola habit when one is between jobs, without having to sell ones body in the night? Any tips?
Just kidding though. About the cola.
Not so much a financial planning question, but more of a what-the-freaking-hell question…
If I need to buy a $50 music festival wristband, and my only option for obtaining said wristband is by standing in a line the night the festival begins, how on earth can THE MAN demand that I pay a $8.25 convenience charge?!
That was soooo not convenient.
Also? I’d appreciate any of your other tips for sticking it to the man.
Dear SFAK,
I’m going to Austin City Limits at the end of the month. Obviously, I’m trying to save all the money I can for that trip so it can be a wonderful blur of music and liver destruction.
But I’ve got three freaking weekends to get through between now and then! How can I continue down my expensive path of functional alcoholism whilst still saving money for my trip?
Also, is your cat ever happy?!? He always looks so mean in your pictures…
Cheers,
Brother Nels
How can I repay my student loans while drinking so much on the weekends that my friends hate me come Monday morning???
???
Dear SFAK,
I have to spend this weekend at work because my employers have no souls, which means I can’t sit around drinking vodka or watching the new 90210, let alone enjoying copious amounts of, er, cola. I think the obvious solution to this problem would be to quit my job and spend the next year living off of unemployment checks and credit cards but I have the nagging feeling this might come back to haunt me at a later date. Your thoughts?
Dear SFAK,
Is it obscene to spend half of one’s savings for a one week blow-out New Year’s trip to Thailand? I’ve been saving up to buy a car free and clear (no lease), but if I do Thailand, I’ll have to pay a car note. What should I do?
Dear SFAK,
Should I buy Jacob Antony and the Johnsons tickets for tonight for his birthday (which would be nearly $100) or should I be ‘fiscally responsible’ and put that money in a savings account and give him a bj? Hmm?
Dear Po,
Thanks for un-lurking yourself! It’s good to see you.
As for the coke habit…I suggest looking for a new group of friends, preferably ones of the opposite (or same, if you swing that way) sex who already have a large, steady coke habit. They will share with you in hopes that this will lead to sex or at the very least, someone to talk to in the bathroom and watch the door for them while they line up the rails.
You’re welcome,
SFAK
Dear Aisha,
Have you considered making friends with Dave Allen? I have. And I am. This helps get you into shows, sometimes. Also, he pours a mean glass of wine but I digress.
If becoming friends with Dave Allen is not an option for you, consider volunteering next year for MFNW or, PDX Pop Now. You’ll get into shows for free AND probably make friends with Dave Allen. He’s a gent. No convenience fee either.
Have fun!
SFAK
Dear Nels,
Who are you going to see at Austin City Limits?
If it is a band I think is lame, then I would suggest not going and spending your money elsewhere.
If it is an awesome band, then I say cut your drinking in half so as not to deprive yourself too much and you’ll still be able to go, and not totally destroy your liver in the process.
Also, Arthur is old and you know how old people are. Cranky. And gay.
Have a good time,
SFAK
Dear Chris,
I’m pretty sure you can pay them online with your iPhone. this should not cut into your drinking time.
I know that’s not what you meant but it’s all I’ve got.
Enjoy!
Kiala
Ms. Kiala, SFA,
I’m also de-lurking myself, as this post has the most opportune timing. I’d like to buy a super cool piece of land that has a river and hills and happy frolicking animals. However, said land costs upwards of 80G, which means I need to find 20G for a downpayment. I have looked under my mattress, but I’ve found nary a 20G. Not even 1G. What’s a girl to do? I’m thinking of other employment avenues. Maybe Lady of the Night? What do you recommend? Thanks and best regards.
HI!
My company offers a 40% match on my 401(k), but I have to stay there five years to be fully vested (this is almost certainly not going to happen). I’m not sure what the partial vesting schedule is, because then I might have to go through all this boring paperwork.
So I need to pull some strings to become fully vested on the sly. Which is easier (and more financially sound): bribery or blackmail?
I’ll take my answer off the air.
Charley
Charley,
Did you know that you become fully vested in your 401k if you are DISABLED? Totally true! So get a doctor friend to certify you as disabled in some way (be creative!), then submit it to your employer. Ta-da. 100% vested, no bribery needed. ‘cept maybe for your doctor friend.
ZT
Dear Brandon,
If you quit, you won’t get unemployment. I suggest finding new and less weekend consuming employment.
You are the author of your own fate.
Or just call in sick until they fire you. They might take pity on your frailness and give you unemployment. Or they might not. It’s a crapshoot.
Good luck. Maybe show up drunk a few times, too.
SFAK
Dm5_lbra
Thailand is humid and dirty and they will kill you for trafficking drugs. This can be a drag while on vacation.
Buy the car. Much safer.
Yours,
SFAK
Buy the car.
Nathalie,
Give him the bj and then ask for 100 dollars. Use the money to buy the tickets.
It’s a win win situation.
Love,
SFAK
Ashley,
Hiiii! Welcome!
I would hold off until after the election. If McCain/Palin wins, the market will decline even further and they may bring back those NINA loans. Whee!
If Obama/Biden wins (OH GOD THEY BETTER) I’m sure your new tax breaks will enable you to save a bit more money and the lending institutions will be less frightened to take on riskier loans.
If you really need to buy this property now, I suggest finding a sugar daddy.
Go here. http://sugardaddie.com/
Best,
SFAK
Dear Charley,
What Zoe said. Except that may be fraud so I can’t condone it. So no, don’t do that.
Hope it works out!
SFAK
Dear Kiala,
I’m considering getting a second job so that we can buy things like heat and food this winter.
Which job pays more?
Prostitution
Drug Dealing
or some combination thereof?
Also,
What is your favorite hangover food?
Dear Crissy,
I suggest prostituting YOUR STRENGTHS. Huh? See what I did there?
Have you thought about freelance writing? While harder and more time consuming than blogging, it has monetary rewards. Also, have you considered putting ads on your blog? You should. Your traffic seems pretty high.
AND, you could write dirty stories for money. That’s on the serious. Anais Nin and Henry Miller did it, why not Crissy? Ken can help.
Pho is the best hangover cure, plus a diet coke. Or weed. But weed makes me paranoid. Anyway, anything really spicy. But Pho Ga is the least fatty making.
MWAH!
SFAK
Dear SFAK,
I’M RICH! I just got a very good writing gig. Now do you condone the Frye boot binge-ish buy?
Thanks,
The Rich Writer
I don’t need any financial advice, as I am already independently wealthy.
Thanks though!
Thanx tho!
Dear SFAK,
I’m going on a vacation to St Lucia in a few months. I’ve scrimped and saved and almost paid off the entire trip, making me feel very superior and everything, but now I’m worried that there will be a hurricane and then my bought and paid for vacation will SUCK, and I’ll wish I’d have put off the paying part.
Trips: better to pre-pay or put on the credit card for later? Also, part 2 of question, is vacation insurance for losers or a sound investment? I’ve never bought it, thinking it was a sucker’s game.
Thanks-
-autumn
Dear Melissa Lion™
Yes. Buy dem bootses.
Love,
SFAK
Dear Robert,
Thank God. I’m running out of steam.
Hugs,
SFAK
Dear Autumn,
Sorry, I’m in a rush but your question is important. Yes to the credit card as long as you pinky swear to yourself to pay it off immediately and yes to the trip insurance. You’ll never regret the peace of mind. Think of it as part of your vacation gift experience to yourself.
And I’m off to spend money I don’t have on margaritas! Enjoy your weekend kiddos!
SFAK
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