Interns and Dragons.
I don’t know. I just like dragons.
You know, sometimes I think what I write in a comment on someone’s blog post is eight thousand times better than anything I will ever write anywhere. (Did you hear that New Yorker? TAKE NOTE.) Which brings me to my point that has nothing whatsoever to do with what I just said…
I HAVE AN INTERN!
(See how badly I need one? That paragraph was NONSENSE.)
I do! Her name is Meagan (like that, Meagan with an “a” for flair) and I owe her one very thoughtful email which I will get to shortly here. Right after I read the new IKEA catalog and organize the home office.
Hey wait, you say! Aren’t those things your new intern could do????
No, no, no Meagan will only be doing some light typing, the Googling, and maybe also setting up a Facebook page for Face of the Cookie. And picking up Dane’s dry cleaning. And brushing my hair before bedtime. Easy peasy.
Well, why can’t Superfan do those things, you say?
Because being a Superfan is an altogether different, yet still illustrious position. (I don’t know what illustrious means…MEAGAN! Goddammit, where is that girl? Get to the Google, STAT!) Anyway, they are two different things, Superfanness and Internness, and I couldn’t get along without either of them. Don’t ask me to tell you what the difference is, because I don’t know. And I don’t want to know. I just want to have them both. Not in that way, NOT IN THAT WAY, INTERNET.
(A little bit in that way.)
Tomorrow night, I am meeting up with the women of the Portland Brain Sluts/Trust and we will all compare notes on our interns (except Zoe who needs an intern desperately) and maybe come up with a scheme to make them compete against each other somehow…like an intern Olympics…maybe even coinciding with the Beijing ones. Only our interns will do intern-y things. Not, you know, running or jumping or whatever…maybe making the perfect cocktail or fielding questions from the Press. Stuff like that.
I’ll keep you posted. Or Meagan will. Whatevs.
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30 comments
Can I borrow your intern?
1. Chris - I don’t know you. Maybe ask nice and we’ll see what happens.
2. An intern or stagiaire is one who works in a temporary position with an emphasis on on-the-job training rather than merely employment, making it similar to an apprenticeship. Interns are usually college or university students, but they can also be high school students or post graduate adults seeking skills for a new career.
3. A fan, aficionado or supporter is someone who has an intense, occasionally overwhelming liking of a sporting club, person, group of persons, company, product, work of art, idea, or trend. Fans of a particular thing constitute its fanbase or fandom. They may start a fan club, hold fan conventions, create fanzines, write fan mail, or engage in similar activities.
Damn, I’m good.
Also, illustrious is as follows:
1: notably or brilliantly outstanding because of dignity or achievements or actions
Do you SEE people?
My intern is better than all y’all’s.
How do I get an intern for myself?! I need, NEED, somebody to brush my hair at night.
Please make sure this is playing in the background when the interns are battling it out:
http://eideteker.vox.com/library/audio/6a00c2252a0170604a00d4142163d4685e.html
I have an intern.
His name is Ken.
He brushes my hair if I ask him nicely and then give him a hummer.
Mostly I brush my own hair.
Whoa. You’re saying your intern is better than mine? Is that what you’re saying? I’m emailing Intern Nathalie (she has an H for flair) to get this shit on.
Nathalie is aware.
We go way back.
And she is tiny.
But she packs a punch.
Our friendship had to end eventually. If it ends as I win Kiala some pride — then so be it.
Such is the life of le intern.
That’s the attitude of a NUMBER ONE INTERN right there.
Pay attention…Melissa.
And omg…yes, Justin!
Nathalie, Melissa’s intern here,
Because Meagan and I have been such good friends ever since working at a shitty college newspaper together, I know her deepest secrets and fears and plan to use these to my advantage. Nothing personal Meagan, but no one brings the intern smack down like the big N.
On a side note, the H in my name is for my uncle Heimy. What the hell is your A for Meagan?
So how is this going to happen? Do I need to bring my hot pants to this throw down or what?
I have an intern at work. And, he’s actually the second intern I’ve had. The first one spent a lot of time looking down my blouse, but he was cute, so I let him.
HOT PANTS.
MY INTERN WEARS HOT PANTS.
A few things:
1. I thought we were clear that you should ALWAYS wear hot pants.
2. The “A” is meerly the representation of my Welsh roots (meAgan is, of course the welsh[best] spelling).
A constant reminder of the struggle, the famine, the war, the carnage that my family faced as they became the Celtic warriors we know and love in films such as “Braveheart”, “Beowulf” and of course “The Dark Knight” [Christian Bale is Welsh … close enough!]
THAT A GOOD ENOUGH ANSWER, NAT!?
Um, whatever. I’m like almost Jewish. You can’t compete with that kind of ethnic suffering. And we have Woody Allen and latkes and donuts. Beowulf? Is that the best you can do? Christian Bale? Mmmm, Christian Bale…..damn you Meagan! I just drooled all over my keyboard.
Your evil genius is unlimited.
P.S. My hot pants are red with white polka dots. Meagan, will you bring yours too?
My intern knows Christian Bale is Welsh! That’s WAY better than hotpants, right?
I have bright pink velour ones. Maybe we’ll have to hit up American Apparel together, Nat. Get matching ones. Then they can be like “in this corner, weighing in at 15 lbs. in red hot pants — Nathalie!” and then “in this corner, weighing in at 430lbs on a good day — Meagan!”
and then we fight.
i think the interns should duke it out.
in a kiddie pool filled with chocolate pudding.
I have a great intern! But she’s leaving soon, so maybe I can steal one or both of yours? Any of you interns want to come work for an entertainment publication in L.A.? No hairbrushing; we have dedicated people for that. Our interns put together newsletters and help find photos and stuff. The only requirement is that you don’t make any mistakes and promise to laugh at no fewer than 75% of my jokes.
Totally off topic, but KK are you really reading Asimov?!? I’m SO proud. He’s my fav…
Charley can I be your intern????
Nels, I read the Asimov in high school but I always preferred Heinlein. I re-read it because I was challenged by my editor and he was right. I liked it. I guess I read the wrong ones back then.
My intern just explained to me that there is not actually a chemical compound that, when added to a swimming pool, causes urine to turn purple.
I totally thought there was.
See why I need an intern?
Kiala,
That would be awesome, but why intern? If for some reason you decided to move down here, we have a non-intern (wanted to say “real,” but didn’t want to offend the interns in the audience) job that would be perfect for you. If.
Charley -
I have a “real” job too - but it’s not as fun as brushing Kiala’s hair. I’m guessing the ability to wear what you want, bear no responsibility and pretend that your mistakes are “intern learning opportunities” are what Kiala craves when she asks to be your intern.
That is my educated intern guess
Wow, that does sound good. Kiala, can I be your intern too?
So, are these interns with benefits?
My interns left. I am now internless. I have to brush my own hair. We hired one of them for good, and she is okay, but there is nothing like having a room full of hot-pants-wearing interns at your disposal.
I also say Kiala and Melissa should have an intern smackdown. I vote for a baby pool filled with baby oil with Meagan and Nathalie in t-shirts and hot pants.
I only wear white t-shirts, stoogepie. With no bra. Will that work?
@Meagan: Yes!! Perfect!! I will need more to work with, though, just in case the opportunity to put you in a comic ever arises.
Intern Meagan seems to be the cat’s pajamas.
Nice work, Kiala.
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