Oh, Portland. Updike knows you too well.
First, some business.
Win a date with Superfan Erica! Click here. Cliiiiickkkk. Do it.
Next, I’ve been reading Updike’s Rabbit is Rich (well re-reading…sort of….I never finished it before due to a lot of pressing divorce issues, such as getting one) and boy does he nail the kind of spoiled, backward, insular, non-sensical thinking of young Portland people.
Nelson Angstrom, Rabbit’s prodigal son who does indeed return home from Kent State in a fit of anti-establishment angst and passive aggressive mewling, embodies every single hypocritical east sidecentric, anti-revitalization, the rents are too high for me to continue making my art in my garage while I work part time at Floyd’s person in this town.
“I hate ticky tacky apartments and condos. I hate crummy old inner-city blocks getting all revitalized with swish little stores…it all reminds me of Kent. I came back here to get away from all that stuff. Somebody like Slim acts so counter-culture sniffing coke and taking mesc and all that, you know what he does for a living? He’s a biller for Diamond County Light and Power, he stuffs envelopes and is going to be Head Stuffer if he keeps at it for ten more years. How’s that for Establishment?”
I know, kiddo. It’s confusing when you don’t want to become the thing you hate but you also don’t want to be the thing you are. But jesus, please – stop wanting to keep Portland dirty and broken just so you don’t have to grow up.
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23 comments
Yeah! Fuck the east side!
Wait. Nevermind.
Not people who live on the east side..just the ones who hate the west side or any side. Side side.
Totally. Busted. You guys are gonna need new dates to AG on Friday. Megan and I are going to go to Miss Delta instead. ALONE.
On the EAST SIDE!!!
*storms off in a huff*
NOT YOU GUYS. OTHER GUYS.
An unbelievable number of people get all Judgy McJudgerton on me when they find out I live out on the west side (and when I say west, I mean wwwweeeessssstttt- it’s damn near Seaside). Par-tic-ularly when they find out I’m a native Portlander.
It’s almost like, if you grew up in Portland, you’re not allowed to live anywhere but the east side…weird.
I think Douglas Haddow said it best in his artice from Adbusters 79 “Hipster: The Dead End of Cilization”
I guess I’m confused. How is this hate of hipsters different than hating on any other group of people? If being a hipster = bad, does that mean opposite of a hipster = good? Is there going to be a war in Portland? Was there always a secret war going on in Portland, and I was just too dumb to see it? In the end, when the dust settles, will I still be able to get bottles of High Life?
Does getting older mean we have to trade in the silly things from our youth for dishwashers and hybrid cars? For some people, impracticalities are a simple joy rather than a burden. I understand that they may be annoying, and they sure as hell annoy me. But whenever the hate inside me starts boiling up at some pretentious-looking hipster douchebag, I think of this “DO” caption from the equally (and insanely entertaining) hipster mag VICE:
http://www.viceland.com/int/dd.php?id=659
ANYHOO.. can’t wait to visit! Charley only warmed the city up for me!
I live in NORTH Portland, which makes me superior to you all.
And more likely to have my car stolen.
Which adds to my superiority approximately 117%.
Gentrification kills hipsters.
It’s like that disease they set off in Australia for the rabbits.
Please help me because I’m stupid. What is mewling?
Everyone else wants to know too, but I’m the only one with the balls to admit I’m dumb.
So yeah.
I had no idea sides were such an issue. I guess I also missed it when I lived there.
Lately we’ve been contemplating moving back (back for me at least) because NY is dirty and we’ll never be able to afford a house….you’re last two posts remind me of why I maybe don’t want to. This joke’s old and I don’t think they wear them anymore (maybe the cabbie does since she’s from 1997), but: Why can’t hipsters do karate? … because they can’t get past the white belt. Sorry, not funny but I couldn’t resist. XOXO
Crissy – Mewling = to cry weakly
Robert – I don’t hate hipsters. I hate the annoying attitude which seems to have really ramped up recently among Portand-ite-ers. I wish I could ignore it, but I am SO SICK of the judgmental vapid bullshit, that I had to write about it. Then again, maybe I’m just getting old except, no, it’s always bothered me. But don’t worry, today I’ll be annoyed by something else. Or excited. Or both. WHen are you coming to visit?
Matt – exactly.
Melissa – exactly.
well, the bottom line is that anything worth doing in life is going to take some sweat.
that’s the basic issue i see with this generation Y or Z or whatever the hell we’re up to now: nobody wants to even get in the game.
Ooops, “your” instead of “you’re”. Ya’ll writers are sticklers for them thar grammer and stuff….
You should move back, Serena. Forget everything I said. Please move back. Please.
C’mon!
Just because I have hips doesn’t make me a hipster.
I just finished reading Helping Me Help Myself by Beth Lisick. She is a funny lady, like you, and I think you would like the book. Have you read it?
My only other comment on the content of the post is this: last night I was waiting for the bus and four kids walked past me, pushing their fixie bikes up the small, all of them with purposely mussed hair and mismatched clothing. I felt bad for a second when I realized I’d been sneering at them.
Small hill! It was a small hill. Sorry.
The way I see it is it’s ok to hate hipsters because they started it. Does anybody else get the sense that they’re all judgey and think they’re better than everyone else? Am I right or am I right?
My favorite hipster story of all time goes like this:
When I first moved to Portland, I was out a some bar – can’t remember where exactly and there was some hipster kid in a Richard Pryor t-shirt, which I thought was awesome, and here’s how our conversation went:
Me: Nice shirt dude!
Hipster: Thanks! It’s Richard Pryor… He’s like my favorite, I’m kind of obsessed with him.
Me: Yeah? Wow. That’s really awesome. I remember sneaking into my parent’s basement with my brothers to listen to his records when I was a kid.
Hipster: Wow! I never knew he was in a band.
Me: …
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