Here’s a fun game.
I would very much like to tell the radio cab driver we had this weekend to SUCK IT.
We wanted to go to Taco Bell because well, we were full of booze and everyone knows the only way to get the booze off of you is slather yourself in hot sauce packets and spicy chicken soft tacos.
Anyway, I’ve never ever had a cab driver who judged us so much in a judgey way about wanting taco bell. I know it’s not healthy. I know it’s not organic or free range. It’s probably not even food. I’m not an idiot. But we were in NW and there were no taco carts to be had and, as our friend Dave so succinctly put it -Taco Bell is a very specific food craving.
God, I’m so mad to be justifying this AT ALL.
Basically, when we asked her to stop at the Bell before heading home, she said, “Well, okayyyy but normally I won’t do it because it stinks up the car.” Uh huh.
I’m fairly certain that car was made entirely out of urine and cigarettes.
And she was soooo east side hipster, only east side hipster circa 1997. She had the radio on and was trying to tell us (Us!) about PDX Pop Now as if we’d never heard of it. How could we possibly have heard of it? We were hanging out ON THE WEST SIDE which is anathema in this town (never mind that we were at Wimpy’s) and to make matters worse, she had to drop us off in The Pearl District.
The only reason we took a cab instead of walking home was to get the stupid Taco Bell. Also, I’ve never met a cabbie who minded going through the drive thru – in fact, we usually end up buying them something to eat or drink. This experience did not help my growing mad feelings about Portland. It antagonized me. And my feelings. I’m so antagonized right now. Almost as antagonized as I am at our friend Matt Davis’ post today about gentrification. ALMOST.
This town really needs to choose its battles more wisely. It’s just Taco Bell. It’s not NATO.
I think she was hitting on Charley, too.
In lieu of telling you all the rest of this weekend’s adventures because I am lazy, I’m going to post some pictures Justin took and let you guess what happened.
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29 comments
I would have thrown up in the taxi to teach her a lesson.
And on gentrification: I’m conflicted about whether or not I’m conflicted, now.
That last picture looks like Charley is singing in his high-pitched voice. Trust, he has a face for this.
Taco Bell is an antidote that offsets 77 – 82 % of all hangovers. Their food contains magical booze-eating stomach goblins or such is my understanding. The ingestion of grilled stuft burritos has prevented many a painful morning for me over the years. Any self respecting hipster/cabbie should know this, even if they don’t approve of the smell. I figure driving through Taco Bell is what downtown cabbies mostly do for a living.
See, I thought the cab driver was pretty good-natured about the whole thing, although it’s true that the smell of taco bell can’t be worse than the smell of old air freshener, febreze, and down-and-out human. But really, how can you dislike anyone who has the good sense to hit on me? How?
Thanks.
Now I really must have some nachos and a chicken soft supreme.
So. Not. Right.
And I’m not even drunk.
(yet)
You were playing Rock Band without me?!
i just have to say that all three of you lovely ladies look positively fetching in that last pic.
look at all the fun you had
Kiala Krazybee, this talk about Portland is scaring me. Combined with Dane’s whole thing the other afternoon about San Francisco being the best place in the world for interasomething something (I tuned out because it was about the computers) and suddenly I was sitting here thinking “what if she moves to San Francisco???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)))DNRUKEW!”
And then I ran to my computer and opened your blog again because I read it earlier and didn’t comment because I’m on blog holiday, but I needed to comment. And the comment is, there is no food judgier place than San Francisco. IT’S WHERE FOOD JUDGMENT STARTED. In fact, I can point you to plenty of literature that points to the birth of the organic blah blah food movement to Alice Water’s restaurant, Chez Panisse, which is in Berkeley, BUT CLOSE ENOUGH.
The foodies just sneezed their judginess across the bay and it is there and going strong in San Francisco. VERY STRONG.
And you can’t move to LA, because they don’t have food there.
And you can’t go to New York because they bludgeon people to death who have tried veganism if even for a few days — PROTECT DANE, WOMAN!
And Seattle is so NORTH.
Oh fucking hell, please don’t move. PLEASE.
Okay, I actually thought the cab driver we had was kinda awesome. Yeah, she gave you a bit of a hard time, but ultimately she was pretty easy going about the whole thing. She just gave you a little shit about it. No big deal. The ride back to my house ended up being super fun. She talked to us about a bunch of stuff and we almost got T-boned by some asshole running a red light as we entered the Broadway bridge (an event that’s only fun when you’re drunk). Of course, I might be kind of bias because I sort of like Portland hipster circa 1997, which is far superior to Portland hipster circa 2008. Also, the whole east side/west side argument isn’t going to work here because we found out she actually lives near radio cab. Which means she lives in your neighborhood. And she walks her dog in the Pearl. Just like you.
Uh huh, uh huh.
My theory is that she was being an asshole to me to make herself seem awesome in the eyes of the men in her cab.
Ladies, back me up on this.
wait wait wait…
Portland has an east side/west side thing now? Really? Did it exist when I lived there, or did I just not give a fuck enough to notice it?
REALLY?
Everything Dave said is true. I forgot about her telling us where she lived. Kiala’s theory about impressing the men on board can’t be the explanation, because look at us. And if that somehow doesn’t do it, just talk to us for a second.
This really hits home to me as I am constantly “Throwing up a W” on the Eastside.
Pip- The east side / west side thing existed when you lived here, but it’s gotten worse, and more pathetic lately. My freakin’ house mates won’t even cross the bridge anymore. They use the term” bridge and tunnel crowd” to describe anyone who lives on the west side. Which is ridiculous to me because this is a whole city, so why limit yourself to half of it. This town is too small for that kind of bullshit. Don’t even get me started on the motorist/cyclist thing that has erupted this summer.
Charley- good point
Kiala- If your theory is correct all I can say is, well, I guess it worked. Which is probably somewhat pathetic, but I don’t really give a shit.
Ladies, back me up on this… oh wait…
Pip – yes it exists, it just a way for people who don’t want to go vegetarian or vegan to still get to feel superior for I don’t know… not showering or having an ironic mustache or whatever.
Charley – Ummm… you’re wrong dude – she wasn’t good natured, she did that whole “I’m better than you because I watch foreign films” bullshit that I get everywhere in the fucking city. What I love most about these people is that it’s a persona that they’ve built specifically for these situations. She doesn’t actually have an opinion, her opinion is whatever allows her to make you feel bad so that she can feel good about herself, it is the worst form on insecurity and it is the exact reason I would rather live in the Pearl surrounded by douchebags than anywhere on the east side, because at least douchebags know that they’re terrible people – they just don’t give a shit…. The worst part about the hipster-elite is that actually believe that wearing tight jeans and a fake goodwill t-shirt they got at the mall makes them better people, that somehow being good-looking means that they’re always right. Besides I bet that bitch eats at Taco Bell all the time when she’s drunk. It’s really too bad that you guys are so enchanted by a vagina that you are powerless to see though her elitist-hipster bullshit.
Dave – I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m just gonna do it. You’re being an asshole. If you go back an re-read your previous comments basically what you are saying is… “I don’t care if she was a bitch to you, she was cool to us and thats all that matters.” It’s a less offensive version of what you were doing during our gentrification conversation that night at MuuMuus, where when presented with factual information that called your arguments into question you would just say something like “I know it’s wrong, but it’s just how I feel” which is basically like say “I enjoy being ingorant because it re-enforces my beliefs”
Now I like you dude, I think you are a fantastic guy… honestly – but how about supporting your friend Kiala? If some dude had been a dick to you at a bar that night and then turned around and been really nice and hit on Kiala, do you think we’d be having this conversation in reverse? NO! Kiala would’ve thrown a drink in his fucking face, because that’s who she is… she has your back, can you at least pretend to have hers.
i can’t believe cab drivers usually take you to taco bell. that’s awesome.
Dane- Easy, brother. I’m just playing devil’s advocate a little here. Of course at the end of the day I’ve got Kiala’s back. She’s my friend. And yes, upon rereading my last post I can see that it came out sounding a little fighty when it was meant to be funny. Just a set up for the “Ladies, back me up” joke. Bad judgment there, but those are the pitfalls of writing comments late at night after a few beers.
Also, I thought our gentrification conversation was really good. I think I conceded to most of your points and I think we agreed on the definition of gentrification. I just have some differing opinions on the idea of progress.
Anyway, what we’re ultimately talking about here is a drunken cab ride home. Not a very serious situation, and certainly nothing worth any bad feelings.
I have a question.
Some would say.. a “Pip” questions.
WAS SHE HOT!?!?
So, what I want to know is did you tip the bitch? I hope not… I would LOVE to hear her whining to her roommates about the rich drunks who live in the pearl and couldn’t spare her any money.
I used to work at a Taco Bell and the meat used came in a huge liquidy bag and it was labled “Grade F.”
I used to eat it though, and I’m fine.
Oh yeah.. and why don’t cities have a northside/southside thing ever?
That being said.. LOS ANGELES WEST SIDE IS THE BEST SIDE! (for weather)
Did this turn serious at some point. Dammit.
That cab driver is tearing us apart!!!
At the very least we can all agree to dislike her for that, right?
I hate the bitch now.
I like the fact that a large portion of the 20-30 something population won’t come to the west side because of some perceived lack of authenticity.
I like the east side because it’s self-contained and self-selecting, sort of like a cruise ship…
Wait a fucking second DANE. I live on the EASTSIDE you asshole! You can go ahead and find some new dates to AG.
I’m boycotting cabs in general.
I love the always delicious Taco Bell. Do you work for some advertising/ marketing firm?
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