Gumming my margaritas.
So, I’m fairly certain I have an abscessed tooth.
That’s sexy, right?
Anyway, I had a root canal about oh, seven years ago and then couldn’t afford a crown and now all hell has broken loose in my mouth.
It’s either that or I overdid it on the hot sauce yesterday in my pita sandwich. In any case, I’m going to the dentist this morning. I’m positive it won’t cost us more than five or six million dollars.
In other news, we’re still living surrounded by piles and piles of boxes and this does not activate my latent OCD AT ALL. I’m fine with it (grinds teeth) just FINE. And Dane’s fine with it, too. He’s fine because instead of looking around for his, I don’t know, The Punisher place holders or whatever like a normal person, he just asks me where are his The Punisher place holders . And then the laser beams shoot out of my eyes and my head explodes.
Back to the tooth situation - I’m a little scared to go to the dentist because they always reprimand me for not flossing even though I do floss and they break out those little slides of bacteria and show me what not flossing even though I do floss is doing to my gums and the woman showing me the slides has perfect white teeth and I know she is judging me. Harshly.
I’m guessing they are going to schedule an emergency root canal/tooth extraction (zomg! Fake tooth!At least it’s way in the back) and I’ll be all puffy and medicated and unable to drink alcohol for a few days. Booooo.
I would liveblog my dentist trip but that would be gross.
Wish me luck.
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18 comments
I want video of the lasers and your head exploding.
Oh, and good luck.
Oh! I so feel you honey.
I hate mouth stuff.
I had a year of gum graft surgery. Pregnancy caused my gums to recede and so they had to slice off the roof of my mouth and sew it around my gums. IT SUCKED HUGE DONKEY PENIS.
The only plus side is you get to sit on the couch and whine and carry on even more than usual and force Dane to make Vegan banana smoothies for you.
It’s not so bad.
On the down side though, you probably won’t get any good drugs. Dentists never give anything nicer than Valium and Motrin.
I can’t decide which would give me worse heart seizures: the dentist chair (I had equally heinous tooth drama last year) or the boxes. I hope Crissy is wrong and your dentist gives you big time drugs to block out the pain from *both* troubles. Meh.
Yes. Percacet… Percadan… ask for something from the “Perca” family. That’s what the dentist always gave my mom after major work and it’s GREAT!
Good luck!
You should ignore the boxes. I still have unopened boxes in my apartment from when I moved here a few years ago. Every now and then I open one and it’s like Christmas! Something you haven’t needed in years is inside! I suggest you not unpack and instead go for the Christmas effect a few years down the road.
Except, you need to unpack the Punisher placeholders. And the Sin City lunchbox. I would never have survived without my Sin City lunchbox.
I always get tylenol with morphine from the dentist. Those suck. If you take the prescribed amount, you don’t even get a buzz. If you take a bunch at once, you puke. No wonder you can buy those in gumball machines in Mexico. Good thing I keep a lot of finely-ground oxycontin around.
Lotsa luck to you.
The best dentist I ever had was in Portland, and it was seriously one of the things that made me reluctant to move away. A good dentist is like a secret beach that hardly anyone knows about, and there are lots of free coconuts to drink from and eat, and the only other people who know about the beach are hot chicks who think I’m soooooo funny.
Wait. You can still drink when you have a tooth extraction, right?
Ick - I feel for you. I absolutely HATE going to the dentist. My dentist is my bro-in-law, which I think makes it worse because I also feel like he judges me and I hate going to family events and think that he’s judging me for my teeth. It ruins Christmas.
Hey, I have a dentist appointment today, too. DENTIST TWINS!!
I would love to see twitter posts from the dentist’s office.
12:21pm: While giving me the novocaine shot, my dentist looked like she was having too much fun.
12:35pm: Drool is dribbling down my chin(s) now. Sexy.
12:42pm: Is there any sound worse than a dentist’s drill? Seriously? I hope they use this shit at Guantanamo.
12:55pm: I look like a fucking chipmunk. Fuck this shit.
Oh god, moving and the dentist. I just…I don’t know what to say…I’m sorry.
Chris - It may not show up on camera because it’s of the supernatural.
Crissy - Thank you! Seriously, your gums? That happened to my mom - pretty sure it will happen to me. I think they should just pull all my teeth out and give me those shiny movie star ones.
Media Chick - He gave me a prescription for Halcyon. But only for ONE halcyon. BOOOO.
Nels - The percathings make me sick unfortunately. I’m not so good with pain medications - only beta blockers.
Stoogie - I like oxycontin. It’s different than the percthings. I had some after my wisdon teeth were removed. I became so addicted to it after only TWO DAYS that I made myself quit cold turkey and then began crying uncontrollably for about four hours. Fun!
Charley - Maybe this was your dentist? Where was yours?
Megan - So far, there is nothing listed on the instructions that I can’t drink post surgery. Whoohoo!
Meg -Oh that would be terrible. And great because I bet you have great teeth.
Zoe - My Twitters would have been…
9:15 - Apologizing for state of teeth. No insurance for 7 years. I blame America.
9:20 - Lead vest? This seems safe. At least my chest won’t get cancer. My arms, I guess, are screwed.
9:30 - Dentist to me: “Yes, the patients seem to enjoy the Halcyon during the surgery. We take one too!”
Hahahahaha. Wait. What?
Your twitters win, for sure.
Dr. Dickey! I think that’s what his name was. Maybe I dreamt him.
Dr. Dickey is our optometrist, you silly.
Oh, right. What the hell was that guy’s name? Dave! His name is Dave, and he’s tall with a smooth head and he wears glasses and a grey t-shirt and black pants. And boots sometimes. Now I remember.
I was just about to make some inappropriate joke about that guy and my mouth and the dentist and then I realized how uncomfortable that would make everyone.
I just did it anyway, didn’t I?
stoogepie, if you’re going to load up on tylenol3’s, do your liver a favor and isolate the codeine via a cold-water extraction. google it.
kiala, perco(cet) and (dan) both have oxycodone, a more potent, semi-synthetic analgesic than codeine which is a natural opiate. (cet) contains acetaminophen, and (dan) contains aspirin. the acetaminophen is far more toxic to the liver when overdosed (see cold-water extraction methods for workaround). oxycontin is a time-relase variant of oxycodone, without any other analgesic agents, which is why they are preferred by most.
halcion aka triazolam is a very short-acting benzo which won’t do jack shit for pain, but will probably mellow you out/put you to sleep.
knowledge is power.
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