Booze: You may be better tasting than me but I’m smarter than you! I’m out!
I’m giving up hard alcohol.
Liquor.
BOOZE.
I just can’t do it anymore. This morning I woke up and I swear to God I thought I was having a heart attack. It felt just like what I imagine a heart attack would feel like. I mean, if the person having the heart attack were, say, recovering from a night of margaritas and vodka drinks.
Last night, we went out to dinner and because everyone (not me) had to stay up until one am for a conference call we decided to cap off dinner with an hour of karaoke at The Alibi. Everyone drank a lot of water (not me) because they are responsible people (once again, not me) and I’m sure woke up fine and not grainy and anxiety ridden and cringing with embarrassment over the image of themselves singing Weezer’s Hash Pipe. Badly. (Did you know that song is about male prostitution? It is. It has very extremely embarrassing lyrics, too. GOD. I just….Jesus) Anyway, I’m sure they are all feeling just dandy about not being embarrassing at karaoke.
Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we can’t seem to stop karaoke-ing. It’s like a disease. But I feel like I’m on the downward spiral of the karaoke mania now and I could really go for a few months of yoga and green tea and a little wine here and there. And salads. A shitload of salads.
See, when we got home from the dinner and karaoke, I decided some Trader Joes mini chicken tacos would be an excellent idea. This is not something that would ever occur to me if I were, oh I don’t know, not drunk? But they were there and I was there and the stove was all hot and the hot sauce was hotter and well, I think you know what happened next.
So today I’ll work out in the gym and walk to and from Whole Foods and hopefully not gain 5 pounds of mini chicken taco fat and next time we go to Mexican food I will just have a beer or something un-boozy and I will wake up the next morning NOT feeling like a 50 year old fat man who’s just eaten a pound of sausage while running uphill in a suit of armor.
I hope.
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18 comments
I don’t know, I tend to think tacos are always a good idea.
My goodness, I just can’t express how in love I am with karaoke right now. You guys should all be glad I don’t live there lest I drag you out for more several times a week! Visiting is tough too as that runs about $100 for the gas. Sad really.
So why did Hash Pipe give you so much trouble? You rocked Say It Ain’t So.
Oh and since I have the floor, hi and luv to my ML.
Oh and I started one of those free WP blogs. SO exciting. I’m sure I’ll talk about karaoke today…
http://withsexyresults.wordpress.com/
You’ll be back.
Love, Booze
(Or you could read that as “[do thou] Love Booze.” Either way)
Oh no. This is a terrible idea. I had the anxiety too because I was afraid you guys thought that I thought we’re only friends because of our car, maybe because that’s how I said it. But what I actually meant was we’re only friends because of booze.
And you were perfection at Hash Piple
I hate the morning after cringe when little bits and pieces of the night before come back to you while you try to walk across the kitchen without falling down because for some reason your house turned into a house boat and is rocking back and forth like a sonofabitch.
I hate hangovers.
I do a lot of wine and green tea and a shitload of salads and I do feel better.
Join me in my quest to act like a normal person.
Fake it till you make it sista!
fuck the dumb shit. you just need to spread out your drug use to a few different families, ie pot, alcohol, acid, shrooms, dexies, opiates, coke, etc. that way you take LESS of any one thing, and recovery is a much, much shorter and gentler journey.
always remember: pills don’t have calories and are much harder to test for.
I’ve heard of this theory of Ken’s before – a bountiful of addictions is much healthier than one…Do NOT buy into it. Learn from my mistakes.
I’m sure singing Hash Pipe isn’t as embarrassing as singing Afternoon Delight with your nephew. That also happened to me…oh wait, or maybe it happened on a TV show. I watch so much TV sometimes I confuse my life with TV shows.
I just had to swear off drinking a bottle of wine for exactly the same reason. Minus the karaoke and tacos. Insert cereal, ice cream, and my couch.
Also, who has conference calls at 1am? That’s weird.
Without the booze, the karaoke won’t be half as sweet…. just saying!
soooooo, when you say no more booze, I dont really understand what you’re talking about. Like – you mean you’re going to start saying you dont drink booze until we go out drinks, right? I don’t understand. Can you make me a chart?
We can’t all be fucking sober when we hang out! We’ll just all sit there, looking at the floor, in silence. I’m the sober one. Don’t rob me of this one affectation. Do it for me. Please.
I cant do hard alcohol anymore, either. I wore myself out on it.
Im 21 in case you forgot.
BUT i have never been karaoke-ing so I have many a years to wear myself out on that one. and then after that….HEROIN
I keep thinking that if I lay off the booze, the crushing depression will get better. No, not so much.
Melissa Lion, you need to lay on the booze. Hard! And Kiala, I’ve been there, man. It seems like just this last Saturday that I was swearing off the booze. I would call shenanigans but because you allowed for the beer and wine exception, by god I think I believe you. No. No I don’t.
[...] was out in the backyard in our gazebo on the computer writing a comment on Kiala’s blog when I heard someone who sounded like a teenage boy yelling “Help! Help! Please! [...]
When I want to have a good time, I look to the Lord. Then I embroider his face on my prayer pillow.
I’m wanting Jenna to pray for the boy whose life I saved just moments after I commented on this post yesterday.
Your making fun of me. I dont pray in vain. If you really mean it I will pray. But you dont.
Besides, I save my most hartfelt prayers for people who have sex without marrage. That and murder.
Filthy animals.
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