I’m OUT!
We went to a wedding in Eugene this weekend and it was everything I ever dreamed a wedding held at the Eugene Hilton would be - awe inspiring.
We started off on Saturday in our rental car and this happened because the cd player couldn’t read the discs we brought with us…
road trip! from Kiala Kazebee on Vimeo.
After we got to Eugene and checked into the hotel and made sure everyone in the lobby knew we were IMPORTANT and from PORTLAND which is THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE and that I am a freelance writer who is friends with DAVE ALLEN and I frequently contribute to The NEW YORKER THE MERCURY which is also THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE we got ready for the wedding reception.
I immediately drank a four dollar bottle of water because I roll like jelly.
I didn’t ask Dane first.
There is a video of this, but Vimeo is being a WHORE. Instead, here is a picture of us all dressed up and, I think I should mention this again, LOOKING VERY IMPORTANT.
Dane and Kiala: We pay retail.
And also, me possibly stealing some presents. I don’t know. That was not my first or fifth glass of wine.
I need a toaster. I’m not kidding. C’mon toaster!
What was the food like at the reception, you ask? It was like this..
Wedding Food from Kiala Kazebee on Vimeo.
Afterwards, everyone headed to a bar across the street which did not meet our rigorous standards of excellence - i.e. it was not the karaoke bar that was promised to us.
At this point Dane was fed up with the less important Eugene people and their sports bar, tailgating, false karaoke promising ways - so he grabbed my hand and yelled at them, “YOU MAY BE BETTER LOOKING THAN ME, BUT I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU. I’M OUT!” and we went back to the hotel room to have sex on a pile of thousandy dollars bills and empty mini bar items. Because we are assholes.
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10 comments
I’m pretty sure yelling, “YOU MAY BE BETTER LOOKING THAN ME, BUT I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU. I’M OUT!” is the best way to exit any situation.
I have class.
I’m classy.
Um, those people had way too many gifts. I think it’s right to steal one just in case they start thinking they’re important and they’re the center of the universe because clearly you are and Dane is and not them.
I don’t care if it’s Their Wedding.
Your hair looks gorgeous and it makes me sad that I cut all mine off.
boo.
Dane might never speak to me again for this, but here goes…
YOU HAVE BECOME ARIK.
I’m pretty sure you stole that exit line from him. Except, of course, he wouldn’t say “I’M OUT”. He’d say “TOTALLY” or whatever people who went to high school in the 80’s would say instead of “I’M OUT”.
I hate you both and your manly, full beards.
I should probably mention that Arik is our older brother who none of you will ever meet because that would require leaving New York and coming to Oregon. Such a trip is, as I understand it, forbidden under New York state law .
Don’t be too hard on Arik, because while he may be imprisoned in New York for the foreseeable future, he’s totally sending the cartons of smokes out to the rest of the family.
…metaphorically
are you rocking a double windsor in these photos?
Any way - I totally understand why you guys are perfect for each other now.
yes… that is a double windsor.
see my comment above re: me having class.
KK, I hope you shouted, while you were flipping the bird as you left, I GREW UP IN CALIFORNIA. I always find that alienates Oregonians at the same time as it excuses and justifies bad behavior and, in many ways impresses and intimidates people.
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