I blame the Baja Fresh I ate last night.
PEOPLE.
DUDES.
And especially, JENNA.
I have the stomach flu. Dane went out of town for a couple of days and instead of ordering up some hookers and blow and thai food and then re-decorating everything with the entire Anthropologie catalog, I have been laying on the couch trying not to die all day.
And it’s getting worse. It is now 7 o’clock and I have yet to sip one sip of wine or eat one pretty yellow klonopin pill. I mean, how am I supposed to enjoy my James McAvoy Film Festival™ and write poetry about Shia La Boeuf in my moleskin journal looking pretty much just like this:
and not at ALL like this:
and work on my proposal to the New Yorker about writing the Shouts and Murmurs column under the pen name “JD Salingerish” and every column will be about phonies and goddamn twitchy skirts?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS INTERNET WHEN I AM VERY UPSET IN THE BELLY REGION?
I even have a fever which I can only believe means I have the Cancer.
Anyway, this is why I didn’t get to liveblog my Forever 21 experience so that will have to wait until Friday, I suppose. BOOO.
Still, maybe with all this not eating and/or eating but not retaining any of the eating, I’ll have lost 5 pounds and be able to fit into some of those short shorts.
I’m not holding my breath.
Subscribe to my RSS Feed
12 comments
Baby! Why do you have to get sick when I’m all out of town, and the guys from HP Gaming get me all drunk on Jaeger and vodka drinks?
If I were there right now I would totally tell you to walk it off and make me some soup. Cause I haz teh hungrees!
You poor, poor girl.
I’m so sorry about the swampyness.
I could have ameobic dysentery and actually Gain Weight, so good luck with that.
Oh my, well you better be well by five today because we need to get our drink on. Have some 7-up and saltine crackers. And watch a lot of world news because I’m expecting a full report on the state of affairs in Tibet by 5:15.
i have it too! no fever today but tuesday, i had a fever and couldn’t keep any food inside my body. today i feel ok but every time i eat i feel horrible but i’m always hungry. which convinces me that i have a tape worm.
Even if you can fit into the short shorts, you shouldn’t attempt it. They are too horrifying for words, except I guess I just used words to describe them….Damn
Feel better!
Shia LaBoeuf only has that role in the new Indy movie because I told Harry (I’m that tight with him) that “Nah man, let that kid do it with you, I got other shit to do.”
But you still find the strength to blog. That’s why you’re better than me.
Good luck with the cancer.
AIDS would be funnier than cancer.
Apparently the flu is going around, I’m gonna go hide in my bubble and stay away from you people
omg please write that shouts and murmurs proposal. i think i just fell in love with you, based only on your phonies and goddamn twitchies.
aw, im sorry.
eat taco bell refried beans. that always makes me feel better cause its so heavy it just sits in my stomach, and makes it less gurgley. plus, they are made with lard, so yum!
Wait a second. I saw Dane getting more food at Baja Fresh last night. Is he trying to kill you or something? Or have you found a new diet scheme?
Leave room for steak bites! Soon…
Leave a Comment