Almost famous.
Last night we went to a special party for a special band hosted by our special friend Dave Allen. I was there to interview the special band for the Mercury. That sounds exciting, doesn’t it? As if my life is a whirlwind of chic cocktail parties, intimate dinners, fashion shows, and rock star parties, right? And, well, I guess it is, isn’t it?
JEALOUS?
Except, here’s the thing. I am AFEARED of people. People totally freak me out, so THANK GOD Justin and Megan and Dane were with me, otherwise I probably would have spent the whole party hiding in Dave and Paddy’s bedroom, re-lipsticking and organizing the pens in my purse.
So Justin (thank you, Justin) led me through the kitchen (after making sure I’d had the requisite two glasses of wine necessary for me to form coherent sentences outside the four walls of my apartment…and the internet) and then positioned me near the band - then left (omg). Lucky for me, a nice girl in a pretty dress happened to be standing behind the band and also next to me, so I said to her, “I’m sorry, are you trapped there? Did I trap you in there with my standing right here?” and she responded with a funny something about not knowing anyone at the party except her friend who was talking to my friend Jon (Jonny) Ragel (we go way back on the intertubes) and after that we were bffs. And her friend happened to be Jenny Tatone who is a music writer (and has written many, many more things than I have for the Mercury) and they took me in hand and introduced me to the band. Yay! Bravo for Kiala the Insecure Journalist.
I’m thinking of having that made into a placard. I have no idea what the difference is between a placard and a card but one sounds more impressive, doesn’t it?
I think I should also mention that those boys are very good looking and the way I handle talking to good looking boys is I pretend that I am a supermodel and everyone knows how well supermodels and rock stars get along, am I right? Also, supermodels are not required to speak much. Or be intelligent, in any way. Or eat. Being a supermodel is surprisingly relaxing. Until somebody (DAVE) sticks a video camera in your face and asks you questions and then posts the vimeo on the interweb and you realize that you are not a supermodel. Do you know what you do then? You go to Taco Bell with your friends for a Fourth Meal.
Still, I’m very pleased to have been thrown to the lions and come out smelling like roses.
Or like lions.
I don’t get similes.
Subscribe to my RSS Feed
20 comments
I’m askeared of people too.
That’s why I have a blog. If I get scared I can hide under the couch and no one will know.
Nice one! I usually make up my interviews.
will you smell like melissa lions?
the thing is, you only live once. there is a fantastic song by william shatner (no shit) named “you’ll have time.” if you haven’t heard it, go find it and listen to it. if you can’t find it, knock on my window and i will give it to you.
once you get past the idea that life really is absurd, in every way shape and form, these little life-and-death challenges become easier.
i don’t know, maybe it’s being a father. you know, you get unconditional love from your child so who fucking cares what the rest of the world thinks?
but maybe not.
thing is, i’ve always been a cut-up… you know, the disruptive one who gets in a lot of mischief. this is exactly why if i hadn’t fractured my skull in 1993 (which ended up with me getting a discharge from the navy) i probably would have ended up out shortly after anyway.
it is a secret desire (well not secret anymore) of mine to cause a car accident because i did something stupendously distracting on the side of the road. you know, like streak down a busy road with nothing but a cape and sneakers on on while roman candles, duct taped to a hard hat, fire away with brilliant slivers of color.
… or walk into a drug store wearing a strap on dildo and buy 5 tubes of astroglide and ky jelly from the oldest lady at the checkout line.
the list goes on and on.
a friend of mine does competitive kickboxing and he told me the single biggest hurdle is getting over the fear of getting punched or kicked. so the way to get over that fear is to get punched and kicked A LOT. sure it hurts, but you realize that you can TAKE the blows and still stay standing.
i ramble a lot. i also hijack blogs and take them on extended tangents.
now that that’s out of the way, where is dave’s video?
Right — where is the video?
Oh and Melissa Lions smell like tortilla chips and chocolate and old books. That’s yummy and sexy, right?
I don’t know. Dave hasn’t posted the vimeo yet.
THANK GOD.
I’ll let you all know as soon as I know. I realize you are all breathless with anticipation.
I clearly need a new name. Whenever you post something about your for-realsies friend “Justin,” I sit here and wonder what the fuck I was doing out with someone named Megan and how/when Silja might kill me if she found out.
I’ve never smelled a lion, but roses really aren’t that great either.
I couldn’t imagine interviewing a person in person. The phone is scary enough.
Kiala, you’ve been spared…if that means you’re ok with hitting the cutting room floor, y’know edited out and shit…so yes you’ve been spared the video camera up your nose angle that I had of you because your six inch stilettos and vinyl stuff made you taller than me…anyway here’s the party video edit…and you’ve been spared…
http://www.vimeo.com/957157
i demand to see footage of “six inch stilettos and vinyl stuff.”
OH THANK YOU DAVE.
I mean it. I am no good at being in videos when I’m all afeared of talking to boys.
Sorry about the stilettos. And they’re PLEATHER.
Okay - it’s official.
I would sooooo not be cool enough to hang out with you and your friends.
They all look like they like cool things that I’ve never even heard of and I’d get drunk and start talking about the NBA playoffs and how I can’t believe the Spurs made it look so easy against the Suns and then everyone would look at me like, “This guy does not belong here.”
What I’m saying is maybe Portland is not the place for me.
So, there’s this idea out there called “The English Language”.
I think you should look into it. You’d might like it.
I like lolcats too, but for the love of all that is holy, when is this pidgin thing going to die?
Nels, what are you talking about? I used all my words.
Chris - Maybe we should found a city of our own somewhere.
yes.
God, people are scary aren’t they? I thank Jesus every day for booze because it is like liquid courage..that and nice girls in pretty dresses.
Hi Kiala,
Nice girl in pretty dress here (couldn’t I have been a pretty girl in a nice dress?). It was loverly to meet you. You should not be afeared because you are gorgeous and funny and personable and witty and the list could go on and on…
Hi Lenora! Sorry, I should have said it that way.
It’s more accurate.
Actually, “Pretty girl in a pretty dress with fucking kick ass shoes” would have been the best.
Ooh, much better. You know I wasn’t criticizing–just trying to be clever. Now I have to go and read every little thing you’ve ever written and relinquished to cyberspace. Oh wait. I have homework to do…
Leave a Comment