Conan-drum.
This past weekend we went out like we do every weekend because we are so very popular and important. The reason I haven’t written about it yet is because I am trying to decide whether people mind becoming blog fodder or not. Also, I just realized I really like saying “blog fodder” out loud. Try it.
We go out with friends because it’s fun and it keeps us from laying on the couch for 63 hours at a time watching eleven seasons of The Shield with a bowl of tortilla chips resting on our bellies chests for easy snacking. We do not go out with friends because I need something to write about so teh internet will know how very popular and important we are (Did I mention that yet?). And still I have no idea if people truly like reading about what they did and how awesome they were (because everyone we know is awesome due to how popular and important we are) and knowing that a good nine three thousand people know about it now, too. And are judging them. Harshly.
I’m curious as to what your thoughts are on this, internet? Do you think people care? Does it make them nervous and excited like they might pee a little or punch me in the neck AT THE SAME TIME?
Until I decide what is the proper thing to do, based on your answers and most likely my perverse reaction to them which will be to do exactly the opposite of what you tell me to do, I will tell you this story about a party I went to my freshman year in high school.
I had transferred to Santa Margarita Catholic High School, which is a Catholic prep school for rich kids (we were not rich, but my Grandmother paid for it) in Southern California and I spent the first six months of the school year eating my pain away at Taco Bell so I weighed about 40 pounds more than I do right now. I had this leather bomber jacket like the one Kelly McGillis had in Top Gun and I wore it every day to school even though it was always about a thousand degrees in Trabuco Canyon but I thought it hid my fat parts. I was wrong.
So I went to this party at somebody’s big pink stucco house and after I watched the girls sing Take me Down To Paradise City at the top of their lungs we all went upstairs to watch a movie - probably Top Gun because the Gods mock me - and it was cold up there with the air conditioning on so some of the girls went down to get their jackets and one of the nice ones asked if I wanted mine and I said yes and told her, “it’s the leather bomber jacket” and the guy sitting next to me turned and looked at me with the most malice I’d ever seen in anyone’s eyes and spit out, “Shut your FAT FACE.”
I guess he thought I was being arrogant about my leather bomber jacket and who the fuck did I think I was, having a jacket and talking about it and being fat and having a fat face? And what makes me mad is that I didn’t say anything to him. I just TOOK IT. And I’m not writing this to have you all feel sorry for me and soothe my 14 year old hurts because that is bullshit. I am writing about it now because THAT is blog fodder.
Right?
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24 comments
Blog Fodder.
That is fun to say.
I like to read about people’s lives. I also like to look into people’s windows. I like to learn about people’s habits. Sometimes I stare too much.
Is it wrong to laugh?
Because I laughed.
Kelly McGillis was Ultra Hot in Top Gun, so don’t worry about that dude, he was just turned on by you and the jacket and didn’t know how to deal with it.
Since everyone exists solely for my amusement (or to work in the mines, should I find their lack of amusingness disturbing), I say you’re all fair blog fodder game.
And I bet that guy has AIDS now. And lives with his mom.
i actually hate the word fodder. except it also makes me laugh because it’s how my boss’ 4-year old daughter pronounces father. but without the r. more like foddah. she is from brooklyn.
what was i saying?
I love reading about what you do with your fat face out on the town! As long as it’s funny, write it the fuck down and tell us; I don’t look at your page to NOT read about your activities, right?
Seriously, maybe you’re over that high school incident, but I only just read it and now want to suffocate that dude with a leather bomber jacket. It may take me a moment to get over my anger.
It’s only interesting as long as you’re Popular and Important. Which you are - as you illustrated so well. So continue with the blog fodder as long as you remain Popular and Important, but as soon as you grow old (old people are unimportant in every way) you will cease to be interesting.
At least, I think that’s how it works.
Hey, is this title a hint? Is Conan the celeb you’re interviewing? Or am I looking into this a bit too much?
Clearly that guy didn’t know how important you were destined to become.
See I was thinking he also had a sweet bomber jacket and he just thought you were making fun of his. Either way, the fat part was uncalled for.
I like other people’s painful stories from the past. They’re delicious.
Um, I think everything is blog fodder.
Even dog shit is blog fodder.
Oh, and what a douche that guy was for saying that.
Seriously.
I’ve never hated anybody as much as I hate that guy right now.
And I love reading about how popular and important I am on the internet the day after we go out. And then on the days we don’t go out, it informs me of who I need to be stalking in a jealous rage.
I don’t really do that.
Everyone who goes to rich-kid school says they aren’t rich. Its part of some white person guilt, I guess?
Also, maybe you had bad breath, and the guy just didn’t want you breathing on him. And he overreacted because he likes you. Kind of how you push the girl on the swing set that you like, but there was no swing set, so he screeched at you instead.
i wanted this post to be about Conan the Barbarian.
I’m still feeling love for Nels from the previous post. Is it because I have cavernous cleavage? I don’t. I mean not like the person you’re interviewing, but I could have cavernous cleavage if Nels likes that. I COULD!
i wish i were as funny and clever as you and the people that comment on your posts…im not being condescending, im serious. I’m not funny
if i were with that guy he would say “shut your incredibly unfunny face”. sad day.
I wanted this post to be about the BSG 4th season premiere.
I think it needed more Starbuck and less Cult O’ Baltar.
I wanted it to be about the Hills…..
@Meg
“but as soon as you grow old (old people are unimportant in every way) you will cease to be interesting.”
you poor dear. surely you understand that the day will come when you too are 65 years old. you are so not funny.
Kiala, you, on the other hand, are hysterical and I thoroughly enjoy myself every time I stop in for a visit. I’ll be back, but in the meantime, “blog fodder” “blog fodder” “blog fodder” ROFLMAO (so i guess that means i won’t be posting any photos of my derrière on the intertubes — apologies to Melissa).
I think Meg’s funny.
I think Melissa and I are headed for mutual crush-hood.
And Kiala-dear, just remember it could have been worse… they could’ve invited you over to beat the crap out of you and tape it for the world to see. Apparently girls like to do that.
Thank God somebody thinks I’m funny!
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