I don’t know when to hold’em.
We played poker last night with friends and I learned a very important lesson about myself which I will now share with you.
I can drink alcohol just as easily at people’s homes as I do in bars. Maybe more easily. Maybe easily peasily japaneasily.
Huh? Ok, I’m a little broken today, sorry.
What this all comes down to is that I am a terrible poker player, but I’m still an excellent drinker and that’s something, isn’t it?
First we went to The Screen Door for dinner with Justin and Megan and Dane ordered the largest plate of fried things any human being has ever ordered. Then he woke up this morning, stepped on the scale, and sobbed softly to himself for about an hour before I yelled at him to be quiet - I was trying to sleep off my hangover.
No. Dane is my favoritest.
After dinner, we went over to Jiro’s house to play the poker. He and his wife, Ellen live in a big house in SE Portland and are grown ups. Megan and Justin live in a big house in NE Portland and are grown ups. We live in a small apartment in NW Portland and they think WE are grown ups. I’m starting to wonder if any of us know what a grown up really is.
So we sat down to play and everyone was very patient about my total inability to understand rules or directions or retain information for longer than 30 seconds and Megan won all the money in the world because she is some kind of rogue card shark - like James Garner in Maverick only way prettier.
Which would have made me love her even more than I already do except for the fact that my love parameters had been exceeded by her bringing along these slippers for me to wear while wandering around Jiro and Ellen’s wood floors.
And then she gave them to me. Because she is now a millionaire and giving away slippers to The Poor alleviates her affluent white guilt.*
*Megan is my other favoritest.
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13 comments
I don’t want to burst your bubble of being impressed by the slippers, but those thing cost about a dollar in any major city’s chinatown. They are awesome, though. My coworker is buying them in bulk for her wedding in May so girls can put them on when their heels start to hurt their feet.
I am a slipper pusher. The first pair is free.
Hold on Arielle, what?? I paid $700 for those slippers, and they were a precious gift. No. They were like a dollar at Pearl River, but sadly, we don’t have a Pearl River in Portland so even if you do find them here, they are $12, and that is going too far, so I bring back loads for all of the Poor in Portland. That is why the Poor worship me.
I’m a terrible card player, a terrific drinker, and I love slippers.
I think we could be bffs.
I used to think I was a growned up after I moved into my own place, across the country from where I grew up. Then I saw the Transformers movie on opening day, and realized I am still 12.
I don’t know how to play poker either.
I’m not good at Being A Man.
Im okay at cards and don’t drink. I bet we’d hate each other.
Oh my god! Those are my books on your blog! MY BOOKS! I’m famous.
Thank you for stroking my fragile ego.
And your slippers are lovely.
I’ve been trying to get a poker game together with Charley for months…
The guy with the goofy gotcha gesture looks like Jeremy Piven. Sorry, guy, but I bet you are less douche-baggie.
Kelly - its okay, Im a total douche bag.
Well, then you have a leg up on Jeremy; I don’t think he knows.
Except now maybe he does. He’s reading, I know it.
I started to think I was getting old the first time I watched an episode of The OC and thought to myself “Man, I wish they’d stop wasting my time with this Mischa Barton chick and get back to the mom…”
Then I started reading some Buffy comics.
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