I don’t know if you know, but I drink because I am sensitive.
Melissa and I dropped by The Mercury Offices yesterday to pick up a dvd of a movie I will be sleeping through reviewing after I watch it with an entire bottle of wine in front of me open mind. And miracle of miracles! Brad the Office Manager was pleasant to us! Friendly, even. We did not get to say hello to anyone because they had all been given advance warning of our coming and presumeably, hid behind their Ikea Cat Palm or under their desks, as I would do if the situation were reversed because I am TERRIFIED of meeting new people. Especially sober. (Perversely, I spent the last 15 years in customer service - mainly riding that line between doing a good job and not showing up because I had a wicked cocaine hangover.) So that was FINE, really, except I’m a little confused about one thing and, I think, so was Melissa - the balloons and flowers and chocolate cake we assumed would be waiting for us when we got there…were nowhere to be found. NOT EVEN ONE CUPCAKE. On the serious.
Was there some sort of confusion as to whether we were vegan or not? Or maybe we have seasonal allergies and a fear of floating things? Did we…omg…did we smell? Like Republicans? Because there was just that one time in college and I was only experimenting and also I needed a place to crash for a few nights and homeless people were just, oh, I HATE GAYS.*
Sorry. Occasionally I lose time.
I’m confident this will all get sorted out eventually and next time we show up, Alison Hallett will be waiting for us with a bottle of vodka and some gelato. I am excited for this to happen.
(IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN, RIGHT? OMG.)
*God, internet, no I do not hate the gays. I love them. I do, however, hate things I don’t understand.
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17 comments
I went there once to pick up tickets I had won to see a film opening. I only met one somber lady at the front desk, though I think I could hear the audible scuffle of converse sneakers running and i-Pod headphones being popped into ears somewhere in the back. The Northwestern American Hipster is an elusive beast indeed.
I think “hipster” is a misnomer, Nat…although I totally know what you’re talking about - I think, like me, they just have the social anxiety. Or are busy. OR DON’T CARE ABOUT MY NEED FOR CUPCAKES.
The bottle of vodka is DOWNSTAIRS.
Silly.
DAMMIT. If only someone had provided me with a map or a compass or something.
You’re right. By hipster, I meant journalist, of which I am both, hence the projection. And the hiding under my desk eating tootsie rolls whenever my telephone rings.
Why are you hoarding Tootsie Rolls, Nat?!!
GIVE ME THEM.
I ‘member the first issue of the Mercury. They dropped them off on the steps of Ground Kontrol and I was opening and I was like “wut duh shit is dis” then I opened it up and read Maakies and laughed and laughed. Oh yeah, the articles too.
Does the Mercury still have “I Love Television”? I remember I used to read that and it would make me happy because that guy hated Aquaman.
Oh yes, still I Love Television.
I wish you still worked at Ground Control because it’s in Old Town now and that much closer to where we live. Although, it’s dangerously close to the Poor, I have to say.
Yeah, I still talk to the guy who bought it once in a while when I’m in town (which is never). I heard it is doing much better and is much busier and concerty but I would miss the old dumpy charm of the old one. Plus, they have new videogamez now.
That was the best job ever.
Also, I loved having the keys to an ENTIRE ARCADE that I could use after the bars closed. And I’d have to pee sometimes on my way home from the matador.
Oh my god, we totally rolled in there like, “HERE WE ARE BITCHES!” We both had our handbags and smiles plastered on our faces. Wassup!
Thank god the press showed up at the bar we went to after. I would hate for the good people of America to wake up without a Kiassa (that’s our gossip blog couple name) news bite.
You know one time I went to this meeting and there was a sign that was all “Welcome, Rhiannon!” And, now I am SO disappointed when there is not a sign welcoming me when I go to a meeting. Bastards.
I was going to comment, but then I realized I had no idea what you guys were talking about, and you probably all know each other, and then I felt like I was in high school again, nodding and smiling and pretending I knew what a BJ was and that I liked Ugg boots.
One thing I do know I like. VODKA.
Nobody ever makes me cupcakes.
I’m with you. I think it should be standard practice when new people are supposed to meet, all parties involved must take 4 shots before being introduced.
This will make for a much more interesting time.
I’m totally on board with Chris. I’m so much funnier and prettier when other people have had at least 4 shots of something.
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