New Seasons Delivery: Magickal.
Last Friday we decided, in the interest of not giving me any more excuses to avoid writing a book, to have the bulk of our groceries delivered to us via bearded natural hipsters working for New Seasons Market. IT IS THE BEST IDEA WE’VE EVER HAD. Even better than our idea to sell everything we owned 6 months ago and then drive up to Seattle to buy all new things from Ikea and in the process almost kill each other in the Foortgaard area trying to make a decision about coffee tables.
I don’t know how many of you already have your groceries delivered, but for those of you who don’t, it is immensely satisfying to choose everything carefully over the course of several days and then push “submit”. Twelve hours later, a nice young woman called to tell me they were out of a few things and she had some substitution ideas, like bulk spinach instead of bagged spinach and St. John’s Wort instead of razor blades. When I got off the phone, I told Dane what had happened and he suddenly realized that a person, an actual person who was not a robot, was going around the grocery store and hand picking our produce while we sat on the couch and ate tacos. He said, “HONEY. The POOR are shopping for us!”
It was so exciting! Especially because the Poor had kept us awake until 3 am with a lot of yelling and arguing not only with each other but also at the Lesser Poor who live on the streets.
And two hours later, a giant man showed up at our door with eight bags of delicious organic foodstuffs and a free gallon of strawberry ice cream (!), put them on the counter and left. We were stunned and a little nervous because now we HAVE to eat the food in the house and that means Dane cannot have Ling Garden delivered to him for every meal the way he would like it. Thank God.
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11 comments
I think I know the Strawberry Ice Cream they gave you, cause they gave it to me once, and HOT DAMN IT’S GOOD!
We have our groceries delivered too. Around here it’s called Peapod, and it is magnificent! A little bit of pee comes out whenever I see the cheerfully decorated truck pull up with it’s hip (and yes, probably poor) college age driver bearing my groceries while I’m just finishing up a lovely hour of yoga.
Making other people do stuff for you is really a very nice thing. I still haven’t been able to convince them to cook the s**t for me though.
Maybe if my yoga outfit were a little, ahem, smaller…?
Charley and I have been talking a lot lately about having someone buy groceries for us, put them away, make food out of the groceries, clean the dishes for us…oh, and someone to also do our laundry, clean our house and tuck us in at night.
Looks like part of our dreams are coming true through you and Dane.
we used to get our stuff deliverd, but then we realized we’d save a ton of money by just going to trader joes instead.
also, this way we get to carry our food in our tote bags and this makes us look like People Who Care About The Environment to others on the train.
Why did I burst out laughing when I read “the poor” comment?
I felt really guilty for … ok I’m over it.
Whenever I have groceries delivered, I swear I’m never going to the store again. And then it’s 7:00 on a Tuesday night and I have to eat something, and I have to go to the store myself, like I am one of the poor. I’ve also felt poor since I learned that some people’s housekeepers do their laundry and make their beds.
I was at New Seasons today and saw the guys wandering around the store checking items off the (your?) list. You’ll be pleased to know that I spit on them and then paid fifty cents to flog them because somehow I knew you’d have wanted me to.
I would seriously love being a professional grocery shopper (sounds much better than the POOR, don’t you think?)
p.s. I think you’re really funny and if you wrote a book, I would totally buy a copy.
Rhi-
It is so good we are throwing it out because Dane has no willpower.
Kristin-
That is because you live in New York where everything is delivered and that is the only way a sensible society should live. Also, yes, wash your yoga pants in hot water.
Isabelle-
The Poor will do that for you!
Chris-
I know, I have all the whole foods bags and a bag Dane’s mom made for me that I love but I will just use them to carry the cat around with me instead.
FRM-
The Poor are amusing.
Megan-
Your housekeeper should be flogged. See Melissa’s comment.
Melissa -
It wasn’t for us, but as usual, you anticipated our needs. Thank you!
Kelsey-
No, no, no…you think I’m funny so you are obviously too intelligent to become a Poor. I think maybe professional wealthy person would suit you better.
[…] who has to pay for my lack of caffeination. I’m sorry. Life’s not fair. Just ask the Poor people who have to shop for […]
Deliveries are MY FAVORITE THING IN LIFE when we’ve got a sick kid or two over here. They’ve offered to pay me to NOT bring my throwing up kids into the store.
In fact, I love deliveries so much that I now use them even when we’re not sick.
My grandma had groceries, milk, Avon, everything she could think of, delivered. So smart!
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