Goodbye indie cred, hello air conditioning!
We are constantly apologizing for living in the Pearl District - to our friends, to people we meet at parties, to the small Guatemalan woman we pay $1.50 a day to clean our filthy underthings and give Dane his evening glass of warmed milk and lingering goodnight kiss. To oh, just everyone.
But I have to tell you, I love this apartment. I have spent the past 15 years living in charming, historic, tiny northwest period apartments and you know what they don’t have?
TECHNOLOGY.
The very fact that we don’t have to plug the computer, tv, dvr, Xbox, and toaster all into the one outlet located conveniently in the hallway makes me want to perform several immodest acts on our fuse box. There is at least one three pronged (THREE. PRONGS.) outlet on every single wall of our home. I cannot tell you the peace of mind this gives us.
As if that’s not enough to make me happy, we have a dishwasher AND a microwave. I had never known this was possible. In fact, up until 5 months ago, I thought if one were to co-exist with the other, it would create a wormhole. Or time would run sideways and we’d all be standing next to ourselves in line at the grocery store. And that can’t happen, because I have a very small personal space area and if anyone, even parallel me, breaches my boundaries, I get all sweaty and I lose time and maybe I might cut someone. And I do not want to cut parallel me. Much.
And finally, the best thing about this apartment is our porter. His name is Lazlo and he’s from Puerto Rico and he brings us our comic books we have ordered from the internet. And for this, I almost believe there is a God.
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16 comments
Ha! Your post reminds me of my cousins apt. in Portland - she has cords taped to all the walls going every which way. She’s almost made an art project out of it.
Oh god.. I remember the one single 3 prong in EVERY SINGLE APARTMENT I had in Portland - and it was always in the kitchen.
But this new apartment.. sounds so… un-bohemian.
You are such a sell out.
And I am so very jealous.
A/C is the apex of human achievement. It’s true. Time Magazine said so. You can look it up…
Wait I coulda sworn you were talking about how you live right next to THE POOR a little while ago.
oh dear, we had to throw away our computer since the microwave, toaster oven, tv AND computer all wouldnt fit in the three-pronger-outletted kitchen. which is actually in the living room….
by the way, what is a dishwasher? is that part of the $1.50 deal?
The trick is to get rid of the T.V. dvr and xbox. you don’t need that shit anyway. But keep the toaster. By god keep the toaster.
You’re so sass. I love seeing your comments on the food girl’s blogs.
Hi! I’m delurking myself. I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now and I think you’re really fun. I feel your pain on the whole lack of outlets thing. I’m just waiting to wake up to an inferno because I forgot to unplug my hair dryer or some such nonsense.
I’m jealous of your social life. Maybe if I could get out of the house for a little pah-tay, I wouldn’t have to be lurking around on people’s blogs.
Um, do you think they’d let me bring my kid to 80’s night? She does this awesome Devo impression with a bucket on her head…
Yay 80’s night! Yay three pronged outlets!
your parallel universe ramble reminded my of the Seinfeld where Elaine meets all the guys but they’re the opposite - you know - Bizzaro Jerry? Might be my favorite episode.
I bet Bizzaro Kiala’s blog would be about Relationships and she’d like things like The Stock Market and sometimes read books by Rush Limbaugh.
Scary.
uh - “me”
Our, eh, suburban Beaverton 1970’s ranch has both a microwave AND dishwasher but if you use them both at the same time, POW the breaker trips. Last time the landlord was here, we were mocking it and said “what moron installed that?” and he admitted it was him.. Major foot in mouth.
I’ve lived in downtown apartments without any 3-prong plugs - not only inconvenient, but unsafe with inadequate wiring for today’s electrical needs. I work at a 75-year-old medical clinic in NE and our conference room only has 2-prong plugs and it’s kind of embarassing when we have presentations and the drug rep can’t plug their digital projector in without an adapter
Why apologize for living in the Pearl? I’m shocked that someone who writes for The Mercury even admits such a thing. Given most of the editorial they would be happy if the Pearl fell into the Willamette and washed away.
As for the question about “the poor?”, the Pearl has the highest ratio of subsidized housing of any neighborhood in PDX. Little known fact that is, so yes, there are poor here. And children too, as long as I’m trying to kill some myths.
And black people! Don’t forget black people!!!
I saw some at Whole Foods shopping.
i apologize all the time for living in the pearl. i feel guilty. and also sad because i know people judge me harshly because of it. and? i have a cousin who lives in NE and she refuses to email be back, and i’m pretty sure it’s because i live here. i’m pretty sure she hates me SOLELY because i live in the pearl. le sigh.
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