Yes, I have the social anxiety.

Right now I am busy busy busy like a bee (if a bee were easily distracted by youtube videos and sandwiches) doing research on the interthings about the people I am going to interview on Friday.

See how I wrote that sentence in a calm, rational manner? That is because I am high as a kite on Klonopin right now. Ok, no I’m not, but God I wish I were. Instead, I’m drinking some herbal tea and attempting to educate my way through my panic.

I’ve never interviewed anyone before and frankly, I’m terrified. In Middle School they made us interview a grandparent about their lives and how much milk cost in pennies and what it was like to, I don’t know, whittle their own pets out of the the sacred oak tree to appease the pagan gods - and I couldn’t do that either and it was MY OWN FAMILY. Granted, my grandmother kind of terrified me, too. She called pants “slacks” and would only buy me jeans from The Goodwill. Come to think of it, maybe my Nana was a hipster. That would explain a lot, especially the record collecting.

Anyway, there will be beer present at the interview if anyone wants some and we’ll play a little Guitar Hero on the XBox and Dane will be in the next room, telegraphing moral support, so I’m sure it will be fine. I’m just afraid no matter how much I prepare, I still won’t feel prepared and also, what if I get all excited with the talking and I accidentally spit on one of them? And don’t pretend this hasn’t happened to you guys, because I know it has and it was just as mortifying for you as I imagine it’s going to be for me when I forget what my questions are and instead of looking at my notes I just start yelling obscenities like a crazy person.