Did you know we have this?

Her name is ZZ Top and her interests include frolicking, ear infections, food on the floor, and foreign policy. She also plays a mean game of Wist.

I’ve been told she’s a democrat but when she thinks I’m not listening she talks shit about Barack Obama. And I’m pretty sure she was spelling out Fuck Taxes! with her pee in Jamison Park this afternoon.

She likes to watch The Shield and The Real World: Sydney and she hates Hoda from the Today Show. (Who doesn’t?)

She has a lot of class. Just a shit ton of it. She ALWAYS insists on the best table at the finest of restaurants and never leaves the house without underpants.

She wants to join the Girl Scouts of America and “fight discrimination from within” but I suspect that’s more about the cookies than the gays.

And when she’s worried or nervous she gets a little gassy. Because she’s a lady.