The People. Who are Horrible. Please Stop Them.

I’m watching Andrew Zimmern systematically destroy everything that was ever good and holy about Anthony Bourdain. He just forced Bourdain to pretend he didn’t know what a spork was….using only his checkbook.

I just…I mean…does Anthony Bourdain really need the money? Is that why he’s doing this? Is So You Think You Can Dance next? Will he be a judge on America’s Next Top Model? Does he have a blog that he only fitfully updates?

Oooh, I’m a rock ‘n roll chef. Oooooh I’m punk rock. Oooooh I only eat foods that have been filtered through the pure science of ethnicity and the Larousse Gastronomique.

I SOLD MY SOUL TO RACHEL RAY FOR A LOFT IN MANHATTAN AND A PASSAT WAGON.

I’m very disappointed in people today.